A photo posted by ___donnalittchen___ (@___donnalittchen___) on Mar 30, 2016 at 3:32pm PDT

**Warning: F-bombs ahead!

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“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

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Fuck the word love.

Yeah, you heard me, Love—

Fuck you.

I was misled

my whole damn life.

Misled so much

I need to rant at you,

 

I need to vent my inner rage

for the longing I was conditioned to feel

for who I thought you were.

That unattainable,

ideal,

prince or princess in the castle,

pristine,

flawless,

blameless,

fearless,

shimmery, shiny

and charming

mirage.

The happily ever after

my five-year-old sings

at the end of

every

story we read,

whether it’s written

or not.

 

I am not blaming you

or cursing you 

per say.

I am just venting

my disgruntled

faceless,

laughless,

plastic

vision

of you.

Soft and becoming,

I sought you out

when I didn’t have to.

I looked

and looked.

 

I cried

I manifested

I whined

and I fantasized.

And all that seeking

felt so draining.

I am tapped out

and turned off.

And it’s in this place

that I found you.

In the corner of my mind,

full of cobwebs,

you glistened.

I only saw you

when I stopped looking.

 

I saw you—

and I felt it.

I felt that thing

my daughter’s fairy tales

forgot to mention.

I felt it inside

and not out.

I felt it,

despite the glass slipper

and the handsome suitor.

I felt it

in a moment of terror

and panic,

when I wasn’t quite sure

how the bills would get paid.

 

I felt

in my lowest,

scariest low.

I felt that thing

no one told me

was so easy 

to find.

 

And I wouldn’t call it—

Love.

Sorry to offend you,

but I wouldn’t.

It’s actually hard to put one word

to this feeling of

contentment,

fulfillment,

presence,

and acceptance.

Some traditions call it

union,

oneness,

connection,

realization.

I don’t know about you,

but I can’t name it.

I just know love

is limited too.

 

So, Love—

while I appreciate you,

I think you are just a part

of something the human mind

and heart

can’t really put into words.

We try.

Oh yes, we do.

And for now, that is enough.

 

I just had to share my heart with you,

because that’s what it’s about right—

what you stand for?

Something outside of black or white,

good or bad,

right or wrong.

 

You just are,

just as I just am.

We are here,

together.

Breathing,

experiencing,

surrendering.

 

~

Author: Sarah Lamb

Image: Instagram @___donnalittchen___

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina