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Just hold on one more day, for it will get better—if you allow it.
The crayons, books, stuffed animals, blocks, trucks, and puzzles build walls around you,
separating you from them but also holding you together.
Life looms in the distance, coming into focus only to taunt you as you end yet another day—exhausted.
Who else but you knows the pleasure and pain that comes with leaving your boy for the day so that you can
provide a life, nay a meal, for him in the future?
Who else triumphs in knowing that the chaos of your morning routine—crying at 5 a.m., diapers, smiles, tantrums, breakfast,
mess, giggles, meltdowns, and boundaries set—in all of its conflict, love, and utter dysfunction
is yours and his alone, forever?
Who else understands the comfort and terror in realizing you are the only person he wants when he’s upset?
Can you be that for him, always?
Hold on! You’re almost there.
Peace will come soon, closure will come soon.
It will all be over soon…
The responsibilities of your world swirl around you threatening to break your momentum—
one misstep, one falter brings with it the power to ruin everything, or so it seems.
But,
it’s the light in his eyes that brings you back to yourself, centered and grounded;
the lightness of his laughter and the smell of his breath;
the spark in his skip and the intention in his gaze as he smiles at you, keeping you in pure bliss for that moment;
the pride you feel like a cymbal reverberating through your core as he begins to find his voice, with words—real words!—
and make sense of the world around him.
He knows all you’ve done for him already, and he appreciates it more than you can ever understand.
I don’t know much else, but I do know that.
The world you have created—chaotic, intense, private, personal, and so beautiful—is yours alone,
and for that you should be thankful.
Be grateful for the difficult moments because they bring with them opportunities for growth.
Relish in the utter exhaustion as you end one day after the next knowing you did your best,
all that you can do for you and for him.
It will get better.
It already has.
Why? Because you are his Mom—his mentor,
his guide,
his teacher,
his fountain of love,
his biggest fan,
his confidant,
his source of light,
his North Star,
his comfort,
and his warmth,
and there is no other love more meaningful than that.
And so,
Be proud of what you’ve done—the decisions you’ve made and the people you’ve left behind—
for it was all meant to happen to lead you
here.
~
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