A few years ago my spiritual teacher recommended I read Steven Pressfield’s War of Art. I had put it off until just a few months ago when a friend of mine handed me the book and told me it was time I prepared myself for battle.

Each chapter is about the R word. By the title of the book one would assume that word is revolution, however each chapter is actually about Resistance.

Pressfield goes on to describe Resistance as the most “toxic force on the planet” and encourages the reader that, “If you believe in God that you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when God endowed each of us with our own unique genius”.

I most certainly believe in God, however the problem that I’ve had nearly my entire life is actually believing in my own unique genius.

With educational institutions having no measures for intelligences such as creativity, intuition, introspection, and empathy, I have spent a large majority of my life succumbing to the devil of doubt.

It’s taken me 37 years, a divorce, a teaching career in which I dedicated myself to developing and encouraging the creative potential in others, and now finally a President who shows not an ounce of the above aforementioned qualities, for me realize that:

1. I am 100% responsible for discovering and cultivating my own potentials.
2. I am 100 % responsible for doing the hard work of bringing to fruition the dreams I’ve been living out inside my head.

Trust me the darkness of Resistance is far less frightening than actually committing to making manifest the glory of God within me. Marianne Williamson is right. It is most certainly our light, not our darkness that we most fear.

But seeing the destructive forces plaguing our world, it’s quite clear that it’s time for me to slay some inner creative dragons and let this little light of mine shine.

The Revolution of Dina

In preparing for battle, I dog eared the chapters in which Resistance has primarily manifested in my life. I figure if I want to break through my creative blocks, then I need to face Resistance head on. 

1. Resistance and Sex

Yes, it’s true. I’ve been boy crazy my entire life. I lost my virginity at 15 to my first love and from there dove head first into the art of serial monogamy followed by several romantic forays where I attempted to find myself in the gaze of lovers eyes.

In retrospect it is clear that lacking the necessary guidance, encouragement, and mentoring to develop my creative potentials, this holy force manifested sexually.

My creative energies were placed on finding “the one” who would complete me, and when the one didn’t turn out to be the one, that energy was utilized in finding the one after the one, after the one.

Then I started to see a pattern. There was the conceptual artist, the jazz musician, the aspiring screenwriter, the composer, and the entrepreneur who committed to uplifting his community by making bicycling an artform.

And then it hit me these were all aspects of a creative Self that I had long denied. Eventually I had an aha moment and realized:  “Oh sh$t. I am the one I’ve been searching for.”

So, why does resistance manifest as sex?  Pressfield says, “Because sex provides immediate and powerful gratification. When someone sleeps with us we feel validated, approved of, and even loved.” 

I’ve got to admit, post-divorce and navigating what it meant to be a woman on my own, a little validation here and there didn’t feel like such a bad thing. 

But I’ve finally come to realize that for me, when sex isn’t based on love and a shared  desire to make enlightened society an actual reality, it ultimately leaves me feeling pretty hollow.

The truth is that my dreams and visions often scare the crap out of me and being in a man’s arms not only gives me a feeling of being validated, it also makes me makes me feel safe and secure. 

I know I’ll probably lose my feminist card on this one, but I spent way too much of my life playing tough tomboy to protect a very shy, sensitive soul.  

Now that I have finally allowed the most tender parts of my heart to emerge, I have to admit I just don’t care to be Ms. independent #bossbabe. I’d much rather prefer a man by my side who is committed to guarding my heART and all the dreams it holds, and who will wipe the snot from my nose when I’m left paralyzed by my own sense of idealism.

However what I’ve realized is that settling for anything less than what I want is not going to get me any closer to finishing that book of poetic musings that’s been sitting on a shelf collecting dust because the emerging artist in me is frightened of a little bit of criticism.

2. Resistance and Being a Star

Being a dreamer, I have a mind known for taking wild flights of fancy. It serves me in many ways because it allows me to break the boundaries of what most deem realty. 

However, these crazy visions of grandeur are what Pressfield describes as a “sign of an amateur”  

Let me give you a perfect example. Back in August of 2015, I had my first experience of being taken by the Muse. I suddenly found myself sitting on my friends couch literally unable to move until I got out a piece of writing out of me entitled Healing from the Inside Out: Redefining the Meaning of 9/11

I wrote it at a time when my marriage was falling a part and the healing that I was yearning for in my own marriage, was the same healing I saw the world yearning for. 

As silly as this makes me sound, I actually thought that within two weeks’ time and zero writing credentials, I would somehow go from being “just a teacher” to finding myself at Ground Zero sharing my vision for peace alongside the likes of Pope Francis.

Oh my sweet and naive little Dina….It’s time to learn the difference between fantasy and reality, accept the truth that nothing happens over night, and acknowledge that in order to win my inner creative battles it is going to take good old fashioned hard work, persistence, and tending to the little girl in me who believes in impossible dreams.  

Hasta La Victoria