To share your story is a brave thing to do. A lot pf people have called me brave and strong in the last two/three years. I guess owing to what happened to me or the decisions I made. I feel more than brave those decisions were based on self love, so you can call them selfish also. And let me tell you when you are making those decisions , you are feeling utterly terrified and not brave at all . Like they say “ Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” …
This story right here is not a blame game , it is only based on love .A lot of love for self actually. To cut to the chase I came to a point in my life where I was deeply unhappy , it took about seven odd years to get there too. I had lost a major relationship in my life and I was looking to overcompensate it with work. Unfortunately I didn’t know at that time that with a broken heart Universe gives you nothing , so here I was without a job , without anyone, carrying massive amount of guilt( misplaced , at least most of it ), self-doubt and absolutely zero self-esteem. They say that losing a relationship carries the most amount of pain after losing someone to death, its even worse than losing a child on a scale of emotional pain. But we have trivialized it, we quickly want to move on , up and ahead .it does not happen, we have to heal .People who seem to have it all together after losing a major relationship are lying. Period.
Pain is tough but once you start crossing through it at some point it starts showing you beautiful things about yourself. It is of course soul shattering, belief busting, totally transformative and very very exhausting. But like the singer Pink says I couldn’t have written these lovely songs if I hadn’t been in pain. So when I was sitting there with this mountain of pain over me, and all these feelings of unworthiness etc etc I decided to heal myself . I decided to look inside , finds my gifts and share them. There is one more thing about pain, when you do something for others it gives away for a short while. For a while when you are not focusing on yourself , and so you are a channel of divine love and you can feel no pain in those moments. As I looked inside myself I found a gaping space which need to be filled in with self-love. I decided to work on my own self worth , my own lack. This has nothing to do with anyone or anything that happened to me .It just had to be done .As I peeled the layers of this lack , I found it all starts with you and ends with you. In this journey of mine I might have helped others by pointing at the lack they have within, and if they worked on it , it helped them. At one point I got excited by this journey and decided to find everything that was keeping me from being happy, and every aspect that is a hindrance in me valuing myself. It has been a long tedious process but has it been worthwhile. Oh yes .
To sum it up I am now a poet, Tarot card Reader, a reiki master,a writer, a spiritual counsellor and everything I couldn’t have imagined myself to be . Am I successful in the worldly sense yet? I don’t care. Do I love myself ? Yes .Is my self worth affected by others ? NO .That is all I have achieved so far .And the moral of this story is , we all have to go through pain at some point in our lives , and we all have different unique stories , but use that pain to transform yourselves, to light the hidden parts of your being and Shine my dear ! Shine Bright.