This is the healthiest I’ve ever been

It isn’t paleo

Or keto

I don’t count calories 

Or macros

I no longer dance to the restrict/binge rhythm that used to play on repeat

This is green smoothies

And tacos on Tuesday 

Nourishing the body

And the soul

It’s pushing for the extra mile

Fighting for the extra rep

On the days that my muscles are begging to uncover a new layer of strength 

It’s also modifying 

Stretching

Resting

When my body arrives at its limit

It’s knowing when to push and when to pull

For they each serve a vital purpose

It’s a life without the scale

For a number should never have power over how I exist in this world 

My worth is immeasurable

It’s acknowledging that my eating disorder was simply my desire to control turned up too loud

For control is just fear to trust

It’s words of affirmation when the insecurities roar

For they only have power if I give it to them

It’s loving my reflection 

For what I see in the mirror isn’t even a fraction of the vibrant human I am 

It’s coming home to my body

Speaking love where I once spoke hate

It’s resting into my own love

Instead of searching the world for it 

It’s forgiveness

For the years that the scale had the power

For the moments my soul craved, yet I deprived 

For the words that I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy, yet spoke to myself 

It’s healing

It’s a choice

And I must make it daily 

For my future babies deserve a mama who walks the walk 

It’s acceptance

Of the curvy, beautiful, powerful, six-foot body I get to exist in 

Above all, it’s wholeness

Body

Mind 

Spirit 

It’s choosing that I’m enough—

For that’s always been only my choice to make

It’s opening my heart to you

For you deserve to heal, too.