Are you letting the feelings of loneliness lower your standards when it comes to dating, the people in your circle, or situations you allow into your life?

In my practice, I see lots of single women cling to dating like it’s a job, as if it’s going to fill the hole and emptiness they feel. I see them dating men who are not aligned with what they want in relationship. I see how loneliness lowers their standards of what their heart truly desires.

I see women hold on to situations that are no longer serving them because letting go ushers them into the unknown.

We think looking to outside sources, like relationships, will cure the loneliness. And we choose men who are less than what we want because we think that is all that is available to us.

I know that feeling is like a knife cutting through us and any relief is welcomed. But lowering our standards and choosing things and people that are less than we deserve is a trap.

I see this in so many women right after they experience a breakup. The next response is to quickly jump into another relationship or hookup. The truth is this pattern leads to more heartache because that hole is never filled.

It leads to more empty feelings.

It leads to the root of our loneliness never being healed. Because we keep masking it like a Band-Aid, hoping someone or something will come and save us.

We keep tolerating people and situations that are degrading to us on many levels.

The truth is we have everything we need to feel fulfilled.

This loneliness is an invitation to look at what needs some attention.

What needs to be healed? What are you currently ignoring and pushing aside with food, sex, or poor relationship choices?

The voids you are trying to fill with these things will never be completely filled for long. The excitement you gain from those external things is fleeting. It’s not sustainable. The excitement is a good disguise, but it’s not authentic.

The things we are ignoring, like our passions and desires, are waiting for us to shine a light on them. And when we do, the loneliness fades. We raise our standards because we realize we deserve more. And we start to hold others accountable for our standards.

And it’s all waiting for us—now. What if you let go of the need for external things to fill the loneliness?

It is when you create your own magic from the inside out that anything external is an addition to what you already have.

So how do you create your own magic?

Stop running from yourself.

Fully embrace who you are.

Take your desires off the back burner and connect to them daily. Make them a priority.

Forgive your past.

Cultivate your sense of self-worth.

Stop looking to men to validate your worth.

Embrace your creative gifts.

There is nothing you have to fix; just shift the focus to within and watch the miracles unfold.