Like many of us, I am home with my kids, who are out of school for the foreseeable future. Over the last few weeks, as I’ve witnessed friends and family members cope with this “new normal” in a variety of ways, I’ve noticed several parenting themes. No matter how you’re parenting right now, I want you to read this and repeat: it’s ok, we’re all doing the best we can.

The Go-Getters: Are you the parents that started out strong on the homeschooling? Did this strange and scary time kickstart your “let’s get busy and get organized” coping skills? Did you make little calendars with time designated for schoolwork, healthy lunches, art projects, limited screen time and maybe some family yoga? Are you coping by trying to push away the fear and anxiety with relentless positivity, essential oils, and self-medicating with Chardonnay every evening? IT’S OK, WE’RE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

The Ones Who Said F*ck It: Are you the parents who got totally mired in stress and despair and threw the schedule out the window? Are you totally overwhelmed by trying to work from home, because you just got laid off, or had to make the hard choice to lay off your own employees? Maybe you were already struggling with grief or depression. Have you been wearing the same sweatpants for the last two weeks, letting the kids survive on Cheerios, and looking at the Facebook posts of the Go-Getter parents and crying? IT’S OK, WE’RE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

The Out-of-Towners: Are you the parents who went into vacation mode, taking your kids out to the country for skiing and hiking? Nothing better than social distancing in the wilderness. Maybe you’ve been trying to live out your fantasies of raising your kids in the School of Nature, but – damn, they just closed the beaches and trails, and now the people who live in small towns outside the cities are saying they don’t want us there because they have limited healthcare facilities and aren’t equipped to handle sick visitors. IT’S OK, WE’RE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

I’ve been all of the above, to some extent. The first week we were at home, I was knocked out by processing what’s happening in our world. I wanted to stay up on the news and social media, but I also needed tons of sleep, lots of fresh air, and was coping with the sudden stress of coronavirus income loss. To be honest, I had zero interest in dealing with my kids’ schoolwork. They watched a sh*tload of movies. I still had some work, which meant some structure, and my kids revealed themselves to be surprisingly self-directed with their schoolwork. Their teachers were rockstars, stepping up and providing them with assignments and ideas for projects.

I was feeling all the feelings – panic, anxiety, fear. And, somewhat guiltily, also experiencing restoration, relaxation, joy, and delight at how connected my kids and I felt. It was nice to get off the high speed merry-go-round of being a full-time single parent with a full-time job. I could wear a blouse with sweatpants for my work videoconferences and make my own kombucha. I could over-post on Instagram, sign all the petitions for more tests and help for healthcare workers, play board games, and actually Netflix-and-chill for once.

Three weeks in, I’m feeling mostly grounded, somewhat rested, and sort of in a semi-routine. I’ve found a few self-care practices for families that are both realistic and helpful. To every parent characterized above, I see you. I see how hard you’re trying. I see how imperfect it all is. I also know that there are lots of other well-intentioned people posting self-care tips. If some or all of these suggestions aren’t available to you right now, it’s alright. If you’re falling apart, please don’t feel shamed by the parents who deal with things by overachieving – some people cope through action. If you’re that parent – it’s ok to be scared and fall down. Let’s say it together: IT’S OK, WE’RE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

SELF-COMPASSION: There are no winners and losers in parenting during coronavirus. Just help flatten the curve and try to maintain your sanity. Know that you’ll probably get triggered and fail at some stuff. Try to give yourself permission to be ok with that. There was never such a thing as a perfect parent, even before COVID-19.

STRUCTURE: No, it’s not going to be like your pre-coronavirus structure. See what still works, and modify what doesn’t. Some kind of routine helps us all – especially kids – feel safe. This particularly applies to sleep. Try to maintain regular bedtimes and waking times. Mealtimes too. Kids look to parents to provide structure and show them that things are going to be ok. Our kids are also experiencing a lot of anxiety right now, and it’s up to us to validate their feelings and process with them. They need to feel safe, heard, and seen. It can be hard to do this when our own emotions are running amok, but showing your kids that you feel fear, stress, and anxiety – and that you are working to deal with it – gives them permission to fully feel their own feelings as well.

FRESH AIR/NATURE/MOVEMENT: With appropriate social distancing. 6-8 feet. Walks in the neighborhood, sunshine on the patio, or by an open window. Collecting leaves and flowers. Bike rides. Online exercise classes. Deep breaths.

LIMIT EXPOSURE: To coronavirus (obviously) AND excessive media consumption. We can only handle so much information. There’s a lot happening right now, and it makes sense to stay informed, but try not to fall into the media vortex. Your brain can only handle so many YouTube videos on how to sanitize your groceries.

TRUST YOURSELF: It’s ok to feel however you’re feeling. This is new and unprecedented territory for most of us.

CONNECT: Get the Houseparty app and play games with friends. FaceTime, Zoom, Skype. Call your aunt. Dare to reveal yourself: your loves, fears, anxieties. We really do need each other, especially in times like these.

CREATIVITY: Journal, draw, make piles of rocks, write down your dreams. Your explorative engagements with psyche can be fruitful during this time.

CONTRIBUTE: If you can. If you are able to buy gift cards for small businesses, do it. If you can continue to pay people who work for you, do it. If you have the energy to organize a fundraiser of some sort, do it. Drop off a meal for an elderly neighbor, offer to pick up a prescription.

ACCEPT HELP: Most therapists are doing online sessions. This global pandemic will intersect with your own emotional experiences in ways that are unique and unpredictable. Or maybe a friend has offered to pick up a prescription or drop some soup off for you – please allow them to do so. This is a great time to practice both the art of giving and that of receiving.

We’re going to get through this. I don’t know what it’s going to look like, but I’m tending a quiet little hope in my heart that our priorities will be adjusted, and we’ll learn how to pause and find more beauty. That we’ll make and reinforce meaningful connections, and that we’ll all get better at being human – together.