Celtic folklore teaches that a woman would select a king to rule the land in Ireland.

That king would have to go to great lengths to prove his worthiness to her.

Human biology teaches that the egg selects the most appropriate sperm to produce a baby. It also teaches that women are more selective when it comes to mates, as it is our bodies that determine which male will help our species to survive.

So what happens to us women when we forget that we are queens? When did we forget that a true king should feel honored to rise up and meet us? What happened that made us forget that it is a woman who chooses the right man to guide and protect her?

I’m not sure if you can relate, but I am fairly certain I had never fully embraced my power as a woman. It actually took the dynamic of a highly toxic relationship for me to understand that men who don’t feel good within will do everything they can to bring down the woman whom they love.

I too have fallen prey to the terrible effects of what emotional abuse can do to the psyche. I too have wanted to shape-shift in order to meet the needs of a man, and I too have felt incredibly awkward as every bone in body screamed that something about this power dynamic just didn’t feel right.

Yes, I remember him all too well.

He told me I expect too much and that I should be aware of this when I am with my future partner. He told me goodbye when I said my feelings were hurt. He said he didn’t like how I expressed myself. He told me he loved me. He said that what we shared was like nothing he had ever known before and that it was sacred to him. He lied to me repeatedly, hid me from other people in his life, pretended like I didn’t exist, and then proceeded to envelop me in his arms whenever he desired to feel wanted.

And then he would tell me goodbye again.

Over and over again, this is what he would do. That word goodbye used to cause me such agony, but over time it became just another expectation of him, like the feeling of knowing what’s about to happen in your favorite book because you have read it so many times.

I used to believe his words. And I used to shrink lower or wish I could be more like someone else…someone better, quieter, more agreeable, more loveable.

Emotional abuse has deep roots as the archetype of the sinister. It creeps in and slowly poisons the mind and body.

It reminds me of the boiled frog theory.

They say when you place a frog in a pot of water and turn up the temperature to a boil, the frog doesn’t know what’s happening and eventually it boils to death. In these types of dynamics, somehow we become like the frog and less like the queens that we are. We are in this pot which serves as the container for the relationship with this person (i.e. the water), and we are slowly boiled to death because we cannot see what’s happening until it’s too late.

Hindsight is a terrific teacher. It shows us all of the places where we chose to look the other way and give the benefit of the doubt. It shows us all of the places where we needed to grow within ourselves and love ourselves more.

Emotionally abusive situations can be marvelous educators when we can learn from them. I believe they show us where we might be abandoning ourselves, where we might be ignoring ourselves, or, in some cases, where we are treating ourselves as though we are not worthy or loveable.

To the woman who is reading this and who resonates with this, I want you to know that you do not expect too much. You do not have too high of standards—but instead, you just haven’t met your king yet. You haven’t yet met the one who is ready to stand fully in your presence and honor your sacred divinity. You haven’t yet met the one who will do whatever it takes to rise up and meet you—and not because you are demanding it, but because he views it as the highest honor.

Your king will show up fully with you and stand proudly next to you. Maybe you have not yet met your equal, but please know that it does not mean there is anything wrong with you; rather, there was some growth that needed to be had within first. Perhaps you had to experience the passion and sexuality of the knight before figuring out that sometimes boys just aren’t ready to become men. Perhaps you had to learn what it was like to be at the mercy of toxicity in order to know what healthy will feel like when it shows up.

Beautiful woman, you are not a boiled frog; you are a f*cking queen.

Don’t turn your back on yourself now. I promise your king will have no choice but to find you.

It is the way of the universe.