Here is a picture of the two people that created me. I love both of them equally with all my heart. After 28 years together, raising a family, being best friends and building a life together they came apart.
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I heard a George Strait song today “She let herself go” and the song always effected me because I thought about how impactful my parents divorce was on my entire life. How it actually still affects me today still.
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I still have never been able to fully get over this one single event. 41 years old and it still deeply hurts me. I know that sounds incredibly silly. Maybe it’s the Sagitarius in me who knows. We tend to hold on to things ?
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I think my parents were known by everyone to be that ideal dream couple. Childhood sweethearts and best friends. So when it ended no one could believe it. Mutual family friends were devastated. It almost symbolized to them that maybe their own relationships weren’t immune to the perils of divorce.

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I’ve struggled ever since this event in my own personal life letting people get close or loving me. Don’t get me wrong it’s happened a few times, but life and events happen, relationships come apart. Friendships start to just feel like they won’t last forever, you realize nothing is fully guaranteed or permanent.
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I have no idea why it has continued to linger on because I’ve addressed it many times in my life through counseling. Losing my daughter hit a personal place of loss so it basically compounded my feelings from childhood.
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I think the relationships I’ve truly put my heart into I ended up losing so it takes it’s toll on you as time goes on. When I look back on it, my parents represented everything to me and I never thought there would come a day where they would not be together. Divorce wasn’t as prevalent as it is today when I was younger.
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I think when you believe in something that deeply, when it doesn’t work out it has a profound affect on how you process the loss moving forward.
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I get told often that I’m hard to read. I fully believe that’s a true statement. It’s never intentional. However, I’m a thinker and I analyze. I problem solve and I still hurt inside. Im probably even trying to minimize my losses. I look at it like this. If you are an investor and you lose your ass in the market are you still investing aggressively? Most would not. Depends on the individual.
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Anyway, this isn’t a post to generate sympathy or attention. I simply saw this old photo and it generated so many different feelings for me.  My wish would be that people enter into marriage really trying to make it work for life. Divorce has a profound affect on people and for some can have a life long effect.
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Other people might have concluded that marriage is not for them. That’s ok!! I personally value people like that because you are sparing others from being hurt and it’s good you recognize those feelings! Same goes for parenthood. It’s not for everyone! If you are selfish, it’s not for you! My advise would be if you are hurt and sick, fix yourself before destroying others!
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Finally to my mother and father. I love you both so deeply. You both have had a profound effect on my life and I carry so many attributes from you both equally. I will always mourn the day you came apart, but I will always praise you for the time you gave us.. Thank you for the journey! I love you always. Your first born Zachary ♥️