Let’s face it: most of us don’t know how to relate to one another in love, passion, and sex.

We need to discover new ways of making connections, form relationships that are deeply nourishing and satisfying, and have transformative experiences that lift us higher and deeper into our true nature.

One of the reasons I find why we have a hard time understanding each other or loving or f*cking each other with depth, passion, awareness, and attention is because our polarities are off balance.

The feminine goes on chasing the masculine in an endless chasing game, trying to control him and shape him into who she thinks she wants.

The masculine (the avoidant masculine) goes on running away because he doesn’t fully understand the feminine and cannot handle her.

To put it more simply, when we, as women, chase men away, we end up receiving nothing in that game.

What we need the most is to understand the patterns we play in relationships, whether we are in the dating phase or in a more evolved connection.

Why do we attract avoidant men? And what if we had enough of them? What if we have really understood something about our own ways of relating to them?

The feminine has different qualities than the masculine.

When women embody those qualities and are fully in their bodies, taking their time to blossom, they will attract the masculine who embodies more his full masculine qualities (not in a patriarchal way) and who we can’t manipulate or control.

That man might be the one we really need—and not necessarily who we thought we wanted.

And let’s face another truth, you or me, as women, might not be ready for this new encounter with this new kind of man if we are still choosing and chasing men based on our childhood conditioning in our families and our past romantic, repetitive patterns.

A new kind of woman is needed to emerge within us, embodying the feminine qualities for us to be relaxed in our bodies and feel content in our own skin before he comes our way or notices us from afar.

The bottom line is, if we want a different kind of lover, then we might as well dig deeper into our many wounded layers and peel them off slowly. We must become more attuned with our own heart center, until a new woman—the one who already dwells within us—comes out and leads the way.

If you are not ready for a new kind of man to enter your life, then you can at least be open to receive the challenge when he comes.

Dear lover,

my man,

my sexual soulmate,

I don’t know where you are right now.

Perhaps seducing other women,

undressing scared souls

to bring them home to themselves,

or feeding starving women

with your touch and sexy bites.

Or perhaps fantasizing about your encounter with me.

Or perhaps trying to manifest me in your life.

But I know that you are somewhere on this planet, walking tall, aware, and free.

I can hear your secure and confident steps, walking around, savoring the views of this world whenever they land you.

I can sense your mysteriously wild yet tender soul,

diving deeply into your masculine footprints, connecting with all of you.

I just want you to know that

I may not be ready when you cross my path,

but I will try to learn to keep my heart and legs open

because your presence alone

will evoke a deep surrender in me—

emotional and sexual.

And I want you to know

I’ve never surrendered to a man before

because they were all f*ckboys

and I was just an insecure little girl.

You may strip me naked without even touching me,

so please my failed attempts

to try to run the f*ck away in fear,

as far away as possible,

and then grab my arm and pull me close to your chest,

grab my leg and place it over your hip,

command that I breathe deeply,

as you press your chest closer to my breast, feeling my anxious heartbeat,

until my mouth opens up to receive your tender, wild, warrior like, lips,

and delicious tongue.

Then watch my body shiver

and lick my neck slowly

up to my ear,

until I calm down.

Take time to watch me.

Observe me.

See all my dark shades hanging

on my thirsty lips

and hungry breasts.

I will try to run away,

multiple times—

only your hands can bring me back

and your eyes talking to mine,

as the soft wind that communicates with the trees.

I will then feel safe enough

and choose to drown in those eyes,

as your passionate dark rivers

flow inside of me.

When I’m fully surrendered to you,

know that you have taken me home,

through your being,

through your passionate fingerprints

and seductive lips

that cause death to mine,

only so that I can be reborn

into the whole woman

I am meant to be.

~