I have been working as a coach and educator in the field of conscious relationships for three years, but I have been a student in this field for my entire life.

There is one particular question I’ve heard more than any other in all my days.

This question escapes from the lips of many women whose deepest heart is yearning to be taken by a force of deep conscious masculinity. She’s tired of attracting men or partners who feel soft, shaky, and frankly, untrustworthy to her.

As she looks at me with hopeful eyes, she asks, “Nikki, where are all the conscious, masculine men in this world?”

I know exactly where they are, and it is my hope to help you understand how I learned this in the last few years.

Growing up in America, I am no stranger to the movement of the independent woman. I absorbed all the subtle messages from the world around me as a young girl that led me to believe what I should become. I worked so hard to embody the independent woman within me; a woman who doesn’t need a man to survive, and a woman who can take care of everything on her own. I became the woman who forgot how to say no—in pursuit of always saying yes—in hopes of being rewarded with a smiling face in return.

 I took the bait.

I became tense, controlling, and rigid around the edges.

I didn’t want to rely on a man, and frankly, I didn’t trust a man to take care of me. I didn’t feel safe in the world unless I was working hard and micromanaging my entire life. I reached my goal and felt successful. I became fully independent and emancipated from familial support by age 17 and have been able to take care of myself ever since.

The problem was that I kept attracting partners who were noncommittal, lacking presence, and unable to stay grounded in the wake of my feminine storm.

It wasn’t until I moved across the world that I realized why I couldn’t attract a masculine, conscious mate.

My trip to Bali was a spontaneous decision after a deeply painful heartbreak I experienced in America. Spirit told me to go quickly to Southeast Asia, and so I listened. I had a flight booked to Vietnam three weeks after my arrival in Bali. I never made it, due to Bali closing its borders only days after landing and all outgoing flights were canceled.

I’ve been living here almost a whole year now, and I continually find myself drawn to the small villages and local life. There are lots of places in Bali where you can live near other foreigners, removed from village life and local lifestyle. I didn’t resonate with those places. I am in awe of the local way of living and life in the village.

As I observed the soft-hearted, motherly nature of the Ibu’s of the local villages in Bali, I realized that they embodied something that I’d long forgotten about; the soft-hearted, tender, and loving woman. The Ibus are the grandmothers and the mothers of the village. The Indonesian word Ibu translates to mother in English.

The Ibus of the village are the mothers who keep their husbands and children fed. They are the mothers who wake up before sunrise every day to go to the market and gather spice and ingredients. The mothers cook all day over a wood fire, creating the most flavorful and love-filled food I’ve ever tasted. The mothers will care for anyone who comes into their home as if you were their own children (I’ve had this experience personally many times).

You can feel the love and tender care infused into these small village homes. Every little detail is silently tended with care from behind the scenes, as the Ibus put the home in homey.

I’d forgotten all about the art of embodying a woman in my attempt to feel safe through masculinizing myself. I’d convinced myself that painting my nails and a weekly bubble bath were enough to keep my feminine alive. Though I wasn’t embodying her on a daily basis, I was embodying her in the way I moved through and related to the world.

Full embodiment of the divine feminine exudes softness, grace, openness, and trust in the divine masculine. It’s more than a bubble bath.

We can feel the energy of an embodied, feminine being when she walks into the room. Everyone can feel her. She wears joy, radiates warmth, and moves with grace.

The next year of my life was a journey back to my core; a journey back to my soft, graceful, feminine nature.

I exchanged my control patterns for surrender. 

I exchanged my suspicion for trust.

I exchanged my fast-pace for slower, more body-aware movement.

I exchanged my rigidity for softness.

Upon these personal shifts, it didn’t take long for humans who embody the divine, conscious masculine to begin showing up in my life as mentors, business partners, and potential partners.

So here is the answer to the million-dollar question:

The conscious, masculine men are with fully embodied, soft-hearted women. And if he has not yet found this woman, he is waiting for her.

Because nothing is more alluring and worth the wait for a conscious man than a devoted, soft-hearted, open, and loving woman.