I have long considered myself an introvert. I don’t have many friends, and those I do consider my friends usually do not open up to me much, because I behave the same way with them. Apart from a few really close ones, nobody really knows that much about me, what are my interests, what is going on in my love life, what sort of music I like, etc. And there may be several reasons for that…including the fact that I was just born this way. But, whatever personality one inherits on birth, a lot can change by what he or she experiences in life.

And my experience, which robbed me of the already little self-confidence that I have, is the fact that I got bullied in school quite a lot by my peers. I think that, it was mostly my fault for not having enough courage to stand for myself. But, that being said, it was not okay for my so-called friends to exploit my timid nature. School was hard for me….I would sleep at night dreading the next day, meeting my classmates agian, being made fun of, being forced to do things I’m still ashamed of saying. I would cry at times, self-pitying myself and sometimes feeling angry to have been born at all. But the worst part was not the fact that I was stuck in a place qhere everyone else made fun of me and mentally tortured me. The worst part was that I let them do it. With all the self pitying that I did, I never once delt amger or resentment towards my bullies, I was afraid, even to feel angry at them. I never complained, not to my parents nor my teachers, I never wanted to get them in trouble. That was how my school days went for quite sometime.

But, as fortune would have it, I got enrolled in a military school. It may be strange for someone who is so shy and so mentally weak to start going to a military school. But, it was the only way out. So, the rigorous military routine and training ought to break me sooner, rather than later, right? Well, actually, it was quite the opposite. Because even with all the training and punishments and sleepless nights, my peers were my equals. For the first time in my life, I felt true friendship, which overtime, became broterhood. And it was all those years of being bullied that made me mentally strong enough to bear any sort of physical hardship that the military life could throw at me. With time, I like to think that my self-esteem is back, if not higher than the bullying phase of my life. I was making friends back home as well. But at my core, I still prefer to be alone. I guess I am an introvert, but I am no longer weak. I’m not just talking about the muscles I gained due to the training I went through, but mentally as well.

The other day, I was watching an interview of legendary british actor, Rowan Atkinson, who played the iconic Mr.Bean for years. He said, “It’s not that I don’t like interacting with other people, it’s just that I can be happy being by myself.” And that is something I can really relate to now. I’m not the shy and scared boy anymore, nor am I a vengeful soul who is mad at those who wronged me in the past.  I’m just an introvert who happens to have good abs.