*Editor’s Note: Elephant Journal articles represent the personal views of the authors, and can not possibly reflect Elephant Journal as a whole. Disagree with an Op-Ed or opinion? We’re happy to share your experience here.

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“Dating is such a chore. So much effort for so little reward. It’s just exhausting!”

I hear women say things like this daily, and it makes me…sad.

But it also makes me excited because I’ve experienced an entirely different dating reality. One where dating feels fun, playful, easy, and even exhilarating—like it’s supposed to be.

So, whether you’re burned out on the “D” scene or you’ve just given up completely, know that there is hope.

Here is a common scenario I hear from women:

“I get on the dating apps (‘cause that’s what you do during a time of social distancing) and I’m swiping left and right, trying to find a good match. After a few interactions on the app, I go out and meet these men who sounded and looked good on screen but turn out to be not what I’m looking for in real life. They’re either boring or they do not match the profile of the man I’m really seeking to be in a relationship with. There’s no connection, no chemistry, and no real spark. It seems like men are expecting me to make the first move, plan and organize the dinner, and move this dynamic forward.”

Ugh. Talk about exhausting.

As a relationship coach working in a masculine–feminine polarity, I can tell you that these men are either typically in their “feminine energy”—not taking the lead in the dance of polarity—or they’re emotionally unavailable and don’t want anything serious.

It’s not only happening on dating apps but in real life too. I hear things like, “Where are all the good men?” “Have the rules changed so much, and I just didn’t get the memo?” or worse, “Am I just broken?”

It’s a pretty terrifying conclusion to come to. It’s also not true.

You are not broken. You just haven’t learned the tools to deal with this and figure it out. In fact, most women haven’t.

We were never taught how to do this “dating dance”—how to relax into our femininity so that we magnetize the kind of masculine men we dream of, right to us.

What many women crave in terms of a wonderful man by their side is totally possible. I’ve seen it happen in my life and in the lives of the women I’m coaching every day.

A boring, exhausting, and dull dating life is just a symptom of a bigger, deeper issue that’s hidden beneath the surface. No, it isn’t about the dating scene today, or where we happen to live (hello, small towners!). And, yes, there are still plenty of great men out there. We’ve just got to learn how to magnetize them. Magnetize, as opposed to manifest, is like the feminine pole of “The Law of Attraction,” and it requires letting go of control and letting men lead.

It requires trusting and letting go of the planning, organizing, and wanting to know “where this is going,” so we can feel secure within.

It requires extreme self-awareness and willingness to face the inner patterns that have kept us stuck in a frustrating and exhausting cycle of attracting the “wrong” men, perhaps even for years.

It requires connecting with our bodies and our femininity on a level we haven’t experienced before. It’s a process of rediscovering ourselves as women and knowing, believing, and feeling that we’re worthy of great men, love, and partnerships.

When it comes to dating, our power is in our femininity.

In simple terms, it’s evolutionary psychology. It’s been like this for millions of years and it’s still driving our mating behavior. As women, we are the ones who choose our mates while men compete to get our attention.

In more complicated terms, it’s the dance of polarity. If we want to attract a man who leads, who is assertive, ambitious, and will take us by the hand and claim us as his woman, we have got to play the game.

If you’re thinking, “I don’t want to play games,” stop kidding yourself and get real for a second. This is why we’re in relationships with men. We want to be courted, we want to be asked out, and we want to feel the butterflies in our bellies when we’re just about to meet him.

The game can be incredibly sexy, enjoyable, and even beautiful if we know how to play it.

When we work on ourselves and our beliefs about men and relationships, as well as rebuild our own self-worth, everything shifts, and men will feel it. And then, they’ll be lining up to spend time with us—to claim us as their woman.

Seriously, it’s that simple—and it’s fun. We create our dating funnel, and men compete.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to learn more about how to play the “dating game” with intention and ease, register for my free upcoming live webinar.