Living and dying we are. Simultaneously. The coronation happening that has been moving through humanity the last two years is a choice point in our conscious aliveness. It is an awakener and an opportunity to leave this realm should our soul choose. Thus it is also a doorway to a great YES and a wholer Hereness. This is one of the seeings here when, for this Being for the second time in six months, a more intimate contact with the energy of physical death presented.

Our yes to God/dess takes us more and more wholly into This. Living and dying.

Awakening is actually an innately destructive process. It is a deconstructing – of belief systems, identifications, unconscious attachments. Through death after death of what was taken to be true, we are born and reborn unto ourselves. In this, every single time we are invited to die deeper into Love. Love that is what we are.

PHENOMENA

At the beginning of August, a week before the peak of Lion’s Gate, one of the most powerful galactic energetic gateways of the year, rather than being in the midst of a collective meditation or ceremony, I first became ill with what I shall call corona. This time, like pretty much everything we are experiencing as a collective, was of an entirely different level of intensity. (I had it for three weeks in February 2020 before it was known what it was.)

This has been one of the most profound teachings of my life. For the second time this year, it took everything I have to stay in body AND the energetic support of beings who love me.

I’ll keep the details on my physical symptoms and protocols relatively brief as many have shared their experiences. Whilst there are core commonalities, there are significant variabilities from person to person, both in severity and specifics. This is not a singular phenomenon and the interaction with each being has its own journey also. Interestingly many of my soul connections, both locally and internationally went through their own experiences with this over August and have shared the specifics of their protocols. Whilst there is huge value in specific approaches, of tremendous help to many, it is clear to me that there is no “one size fits all”. This energetic is highly intelligent, morphing and interfacing with numerous layers of our biology and vibration. It is a key teacher in perhaps the core theme of this great shift – sovereignty.

I want to explore reflections, before the memories inevitably fade further, yet also not prematurely try to grasp for meaning. This is a vast energy – whatever our personal, physical experience with it – and one with many layers of impact.

How do we know ourselves and what is true for us? Can we inform ourselves responsibly and with discernment and then be fully accountable for following our own guidance, wisdom and understanding?

These are the same questions at play throughout this time, only they take on a whole other intensity when physical survival is literally on the table. Recovery was slow and unpredictable, through deep exhaustion and haze.

What most interests me is the whole picture, the bigger picture, which includes every part of what it is to be in a body. Recovery was slow and unpredictable, through deep exhaustion and haze. Now that the challenges pressing hard on my life force have changed nature, there is space to begin reflecting and exploring further.

ONE STORY

For me, the “back story” is in many ways at least as important as the current one. It makes complete sense that I would get ill when I did, and get very ill. For the past year the whole system crossed its limits in what it could tolerate in terms of immense stress. There has been no practical solution to an absolutely intolerable family situation which has caused deep trauma and indeed suffering. In my heart and soul I know the rightness of the design and interestingly this situation was the catalyst to leave on a lengthy drive to another state. That is exactly when I became ill.

In this state of intense squeezing, inner guidance was clear – to drive to Seattle, hundreds of miles away. Thus, following that directive brought a wholly other nature of experience.

I could imagine that the timing is significant – through Lion’s Gate – and that part of what was happening was a contribution to collective clearing, transmutation and evolution. Perhaps.

My inner guidance in those first days was to drive a five-hundred-mile journey with my sons. As it turned out, the specific set of circumstances ultimately led to me being in an isolation center (repurposed motel) for eight days, unable to leave, to receive deliveries; to access remedies or fresh foods. I could go outside and had a view of water, but in all other ways it represented in effect a prison. I had to quarantine for at least ten days, alone, but for twice daily vitals checks.

This was the heart of my personal coronation through the Lion’s Gate portal of frequency shift. And through it I emerge stronger brighter and more alive in body than ever before.

Interestingly, the first day of symptoms – a very sore throat – before realizing I was getting unwell, I was aware of old timelines being activated of when I was chronically ill for six years, and a later period where I experienced very pervasive energetic interference. Fear patternings were being activated and released and it felt huge and totally impersonal. I have felt no fear around corona and recognized what was moving through me in the subsequent days as collective programming.

I watched the apparent juxtaposition of restriction and expanding freedom as the illness took me through altered states, many sleepless nights; times I had to inch my way crawling across the floor. There were continuous headaches and fever for two weeks solid. Along with this a very strong and persistent cough, restricted breathing, strong nausea, body pain, deep disorientation, severe brain fog and much more. The nervous system would go into strong and persistent shaking, much more “violent” than the frequent kundalini activations I experience. Exactly co-inciding, was exceptionally heavy menstrual bleeding for over a week, that in no way resembled a period but was a dramatic clearing.

I couldn’t read, write, focus at all or even watch a show or movie for more than short periods. Meditation was inaccessible. Joy was mostly inaccessible, other than rare moments where it pierced the fog, arising as inexplicably at the beauty of a ray of a sunlight or a tree, just as inexplicably it was absent. This was not a depression or numbness but an entirely “other” sense of disconnect that persisted for many weeks. Overwhelming all, I had nothing to give anyone, or outwardly, and there was a deep vulnerability, simultaneously as profound strength was recognized.

The iller I became, the harder it was to rely on one’s own inner authority, especially with twice daily medical checks, each time hearing another version of medical concerns. Each set of nurses was another immersion in a different world and the opportunity to meet and alchemize the huge fear patterns that are so alive and being so cultivated systematically in human consciousness. That is not to say that authentic caring was absent. The nurse who sent me to ER was a particular example of deep care. More that the depersonalization was more evident. The capacity for independent and autonomous thought was put to sleep by a behemoth of a system.

There was a time where I was much more in other worlds than this one.

How do we find our way back home even as the very survival of the body is threatened?

How do we choose to be here and to stay here?

It truly is a moment by moment choosing. Many, many hours I swam in the deepest realms of the resistance to embodiment and the belief that we cannot in fact be in body as Infinite consciousness. And in the murkiest of endless oceans would also be found a yes. Sometime a tiny slither of light, barely perceptible but still here.

I know where I went. I know what I chose.

Yes.

I say yes.

Can we die to all we held true and live as Love? Right here in this earth playground?

A FLOOD OF LOVE

For the third time in a year, in the most palpable and visceral ways, I got to directly live that we cannot and do not do any of this alone and separate from human connections and consciousness. It is simply not possible.

There were about three to four days where I persisted only with continual prayer and calling in every level of energetic assistance I could imagine from the non-physical. In retrospect, the day I was taken into the ER with suspected pneumonia was a turning point. It was a deeper surrender into being held. I reached a place where being scooped into the gurney actually brought welcome comfort. Fear was present too and deep physical vulnerability of course but there was also something much deeper and unshaken.

Soon after, I shared a short post on social media about my situation which became a catalyst for an absolutely amazing response.

From that moment, there was such a demonstration of a flood of Love. Love in so, so many forms and faces – prayers, healing, mantras and then through the catalyst of a dear friend – also through the energy of money.

For the second time this year, I moved through an initiation that took everything within COMBINED with the energetic support and Love of others to stay here. It took all of the non-physical Divine teams and all of whom felt moved to support in any way, even just a moment’s love. I do not – and perhaps will never – have language big enough to express the depth of this Love that showed itself, the gratitude and wonder that it stirred. It is beyond all personal stories, yet holds the person – the one – tightly in its center.

As this was occurring, my human could “give nothing” – no responding, or even acknowledging. All had to be right with the living-dying process happening on multiple levels. In this strange, disoriented state those weeks, where the body was going through so much, the wonder of Love found this one and pierced deeper places again and again. Hundreds prayed, sent healing energies and made financial gifts.

The wonder and magnitude of this Love can barely be fathomed. This Love we are.

To each of you-us, you have no idea how you touched this heart and what a difference you made. This has been a miracle which will take time and quietude to receive fully. Know – know – your words or actions of Love have been seen and received, not only in “one” person but in the entire quantum field of Grace. For the remainder of this life, this ocean of Love will be remembered in wonder and humility. It is but a glimpse of our own immensity and infinite capacity to love and fill each “other”.

This heart bursts to express its wonder and it’s recognition at what has been shown so vividly by the expressions of love through each being. I am more in wonder than ever at the immensity and power of the Love that is what we are. An ocean came forth, wave after wave, that held one being on multiple levels, all the way through the physical.

KNOW the power of this gift of Love meeting Love and how deeply it lands.

Whatever it’s form,

the kindness,

the action,

your heart

reached mine.

I see Love just finding multiple ways to express itself and that leaves this one in quiet, reverberating wonder. Deeper, deeper, deeper we are penetrated by our own GodSelf.

How much Love can we take?

How much can we receive?

How much can we recognize ourselves as This?

EXHAUSTION & HEALING

The exhaustion in the body was an illuminator of the even more profound nature of “I don’t know how to “do” this”. How to be unlimited Source existing and functioning through a body and the lens of personality and ego? Further, as someone who had very severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for six years, and had to use a wheelchair, there is intimate familiarity with fatigue and post viral symptoms. The experience with this energetic felt entirely other. It feels artificial in nature – not because I ascribe to any narratives. That was simply the direct experience. The nature of the prevailing fatigue, weakness, disorientation and disconnect again is quite different.

Healing showed itself again and again to be spiral in nature, each wave inviting a deeper letting go of attachment and illusion of control. Yet underneath and pulsating through everything is the inevitable evolutionary trajectory.

For days there was an incessant pull to get out of the center and somehow back to Shasta. Nothing seemed possible. There was no-one who could come for me safely and no seeming way to get back. My soul knew it was essential to my capacity to recover and quietly, inwardly resolve set in.  I could barely sit up, had a high fever and somehow a window of opportunity was opened. I left against medical advice and having to stand strongly against the staff at the center, knowing I had to take this window. I drove a car without any stops, other than once for gas, across two states, held in a truly blessed altered state until my body could land back in Shasta. That five-hundred mile drive to “free’” myself was an utter miracle – one of the greatest of my life –  held and carried out by my Divine teams, using this body. It was not Helen driving. On landing in Shasta whole other levels of healing and release could open.

Recovery only began to anchor from day fifteen onwards, once out of the isolation center and back in Shasta at my dear friend’s. As soon as I used a nebulizer with colloidal silver the fever finally broke. I was able to access respiratory herbal remedies, more supplements, fresh smoothies, human touch and affection and of course the powerful field of Mount Shasta’s energies. From the start I had taken C, D, zinc and also quercetin intermittently. I also took several doses of a well known protocol – I’ll call iv – because that was reinforced strongly by my inner knowing. It made a noticeable difference but was not a panacea. What was very striking was on taking the first dose I saw such an explosion of light.

Healers were working remotely with frequencies, homeopathic and shamanic approaches and many were holding me in deep prayer.

Throughout I listened and what body needed would change rapidly and dramatically every few days. As intensity slowly eased, listening became more accessible though still very changed. The experience was definitely like radio interference on a substantial scale.

The recovery proper began then, though it took weeks, spiraling through very visceral experiences of the unpredictable. Energy could not be relied upon and indeed it took six weeks and two trips to the ocean and Redwoods to return my own energy. My birthday was spent largely sleeping and resting, a joy to be more free of pain and fever and just to be quietly loving with my Beloved, both of us slowly rediscovering a world with new eyes.

There are still some residues – particularly in brain function and a cough. I know many who have been much iller and I know those who have passed. I also am honest enough to admit the truth of what I felt in my own experience and that this too was a very, very strong choice point in staying on earth. It took all I have and the ocean of Love made manifest that held and assisted this one. What a miracle.

PERSONAL THEMES

Key clearings and themes which arose personally include some of  these. I don’t at all suggest or presume that these themes are universal. We are all uniquely wired frequentially and interacting with the larger fields uniquely.

• “I can’t” programs – I can’t do this, i.e., be alive, be a human. Totally collective and ancient
• Letting love in – to places that have never been able to open and receive. The inner child and primal masculine-feminine woundings in collective consciousness. Let love in even here.
• Grief -endless, wordless. Trapped particles of death in the body consciousness.
• The victim – that one that has to earn love through suffering. We ALL carry victim-perpetrator energies. Facing fully the places that get pleasure in the victim gifts freedom and healing. The question is to bring them to awareness, without judgement.
• Absolutely prioritizing self-care and love above EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.
• The journey of this one included seeing the taking on more than is healthy in clearing for the collective. This was a deeper healing of the martyr programming so rife in religion and spirituality and in women in particular. This is one I have been consciously deconstructing for three decades.
• Sovereignty – standing for the truth of my heart no matter what, in the face of conflicting medical opinions and pressures.
• Clearing multiple programs on illness and fear, personally, ancestrally and collectively.
• Supporting the body to hold more light than ever.

ENERGETICS

As time moved on and the physical symptoms pressed less insistently for all of the attention, it has been possible to attune to the energetics more. Even as body took weeks to move though waves of fatigues, brain fog and cough, more light was piercing through. And it has been a piercing – unreliable in its accessibility, as if piercing through a blanket of disruption. It – perhaps – requires – more authoritative claiming than ever before to land.

Four weeks in, I heard very clearly I “wasn’t done” yet and that there was more to learn. I am shown this phenomenon is not a singularity but a changing, multiply faceted energetic. It is entirely different in nature from other flus and viruses I have encountered and also from the initial c strain.

Features of this vibration include:

~ heaviness,

~pernicious and tricky energy,

~AI,

~disturbance in the primary Source connection,

~ disturbance in all body systems especially immune, endocrine

disturbance in all bodies including the emotional and mental,

~ fluctuation of life force,

~ rapid change,

~ repeated return of the frequency to attempt penetration/deeper penetration.

~ AND behind -or through this – is incredible light

Almost three months on, there are still clear hormonal and neurological disruptions. There has been a sudden significant hair loss and evidence of novel hormonal imbalance. A case of shingles just appeared for the first time. Memory, recall and focus are noticeably impaired. Divine connection is improved but variable. DNA is changed.

Healing has incorporated clearing the energetics of this phenomena and its weaponization. The underlying guidance is to stay awake and observant as further layers emerge or activate and to be sovereign in clearing, rebalancing and healing all the bodies fully. This seems prudent advice for many of us.

In the recovery period, there has been a gaining (or regaining) of more access to higher perspective and energetic insight. I have been shown some of the energy formations of this complex phenomena of transformation. There is a deeper seeing of the scale and complexity of the energetic waves. These waves – dropping narratives or attachment to any agendas – encompass c “strains”, versions of vx, and much more unseen and to come. I was shown a timeline where a very significant proportion of humanity transition. And of course, multiple timelines and dimensions exist, all with possibilities for manifestation. We are creators when aligned with our God consciousness.

This is a disruptor – that is disrupting societal patterns but also all of the systems of the body AND our Divine connection – or contact with it.

CORONATION

Viruses are integral to evolution. Viruses can transfer DNA from organism to organism, sometimes inserting it into the germline (where it becomes heritable). Known as horizontal gene transfer, this is a primary mechanism of evolution, allowing life to evolve together much faster than is possible through random mutation.

Perhaps the great diseases of civilization have quickened our biological and cultural evolution, bestowing key genetic information and offering both individual and collective initiation. Could the current pandemic be just that? Novel RNA codes are spreading from human to human, imbuing us with new genetic information; at the same time, we are receiving other, esoteric, “codes” that ride the back of the biological ones, disrupting our narratives and systems in the same way that an illness disrupts bodily physiology. The phenomenon follows the template of initiation: separation from normality, followed by a dilemma, breakdown, or ordeal, followed (if it is to be complete) by reintegration and celebration.

Now the question arises: Initiation into what? What is the specific nature and purpose of this initiation? The popular name for the pandemic offers a clue: coronavirus. A corona is a crown. “Novel coronavirus pandemic” means “a new coronation for all.”

Already we can feel the power of who we might become. A true sovereign does not run in fear from life or from death. A true sovereign does not dominate and conquer (that is a shadow archetype, the Tyrant). The true sovereign serves the people, serves life, and respects the sovereignty of all people. The coronation marks the emergence of the unconscious into consciousness, the crystallization of chaos into order, the transcendence of compulsion into choice. We become the rulers of that which had ruled us. No longer the vassals of fear, we can bring order to the kingdom and build an intentional society on the love already shining through the cracks of the world of separation. – Charles Eisenstein

Some of us are attuned to the loving-giving axis as very large Cosmic level beings. No better or worse – just a frequency flavor. This Being brings in frequencies of the Cosmic Divine Feminine, grounded through the Divine Mother frequencies, but not limited to that. A frequency bandwidth is what is conveyed. This energy is not static and these continue to up-level as we can receive them, and accompany these energies all the way home into the body. Frequency elevates once that gateway is opened and integrated. There have been repeated reflections of a notable increase of light present in my being since this initiation.

The personal energetic capacity to hold and share Divine light is growing. As we feel and look around, it is uprising in such wide ways through human consciousness. Not uniformly of course, but a sea change nonetheless. All of us are going through our own version of initiation or coronation, beckoning us into our Divine sovereignty.

This means too meeting everything all the way to the core.

We get to balance Love being expressed and lived with how we fill ourselves up with and as this very same Love. We are called to receive Divine Mothering and Love in balance to that which is embodied and shared. Balance is too of all aspects of light and dark. of the body . The old must die on multiple levels. The cells of the body are releasing ancient fears and memories of death and we – as consciousness get to hold and bathe and soothe and penetrate each and every cell as consciousness re-awakening to itself.

Our invitation is to fall in love with ourself.

Life is already in Love with every part of you. We can be that for all parts of this one.

We are discovering our Divinity in and through these bodies and the amount of light-love that we can receive and move through us is beyond anything we can imagine. More of our multi dimensionality; more of our Source light can be HERE now. Simultaneously we become more intimate with the primal wound level of form/formless and Infinite splitting into matter. Who can fill it? What? All that can BE present is the unlimited knowing of Self as Oneness. Hand in hand with existential agony or bliss. Same. Same.

Life and death collapse into the One as they always were.

In the strange world,

In the miracle and mystery,

worlds change,

galaxies intertwine

and souls soar.