Anxiety is real. Real weird. It makes me feel out of control… not the good or fun kind either.

Heavy, loud, weird breathing, feeling faint, shakes, on edge, convulsions, blank thought or crazy roller coaster thoughts.

Mixing someone with anxiety, quetiapine, clonidine, nicotine, and energy drinks – you get a bad day.
How many bad days am I going to have? Does writing relax me? Release me?
God help me. Release me of this uncomfortable feeling.

Quetiapine at 10:30-11pm. Slept soundly but disliked getting up. Took a sip of espresso, got out of bed, washed my face and dressed for the work day, tried to give Micah his medicine, felt faintly, failed to have Micah swallow his pain medicine. Laid on floor for 30 seconds, stood up slowly, brushed my teeth, stumbled to couch, plopped on couch, forgot about coffee, left said coffee when stumbled with head down to car. Told Robert to just unlock car door and not to open it so i could just open door myself and fall into passenger seat of car. Laid in air condition, Roberts icey hand held my hand. After 5 minutes of being on the verge of just black out , I sat up, hard to talk but eventually felt better enough to get to work.

Falling asleep at work.
So uncomfortable.