Joy

She is fleeting, nimble, delightful

I knew her well, once, as a child

beaming with the brightness of life and curiosity

all was joy in fields of grass, dappled sunlight, running, laughter, and love

Gradually, she receded as I layered shame and shoulds

growing up became a molding akin to binding the feet

seeking relief, I found joy in escape

but the escape became the trap

Emerging from the damp and dark, I see her there in the distance

crying as I write this, I see her there clearly beckoning to me

she’s just out of reach

I stretch and strain unable to bridge the gap

I fall to my knees and lower my head

what is it I’m to do? how do I do this?

why can’t I rest in her easy embrace?

how did I muck this up?

It is then I feel the tap of acceptance on my shoulder

she says nothing was “mucked up”

you’re not broken, rest, breathe

you are loved…and I’m always with you.