The word selfish brings up connotations, everyone can have their own view of it. What if I said it could have a positive side? Some of you might stop reading here, I think I would of before. For me, the word conjures up images of someone’s actions and words are detrimental to others, only thinking of themselves all the time. But what if these people have a point, what if sometimes it does them well? Can a sprinkle of selfishness be good for you?

Now I am not talking about us all changing into the people who state aloud “I stay true to myself and will tell everyone what I think, it’s your problem if you don’t agree,” they take no responsibility for their actions and quite often will not accept the behavior being mirrored back to them. That is someone who only thinks of themselves and brings a trail of resentment from others around with no acceptance of it.

We could explore finding a new word, but it fits so well, let’s celebrate it. Breaking the word down, “self” is about recognizing that you are a separate eternity to others, and “Ish” means you are being like the word, be yourself. If we do not live for ourselves but for others all the time, we can lose our identity.

My lightbulb moment was after a conversation with someone who classed themself as selfish as they did not take care of themselves, they spent all their life doing things for other people. They saw this as selfish as they had become ill, and it had an enormous impact on others. The people around them saw it as unselfish as they had not thought of themself, that this person had given themselves so freely to every one of them. So, is the word a form of perception?

When we are on the airplane and the cabin crew tells us in the event of a crash, “please put your oxygen mask on before anyone else”. It does feel wrong, why not sort your loved ones out first? But it has sensible foundations if you do not help yourself first you cannot help anyone else. By doing this “selfish” act you are saving others’ lives, this is positive selfishness.

It is important to put yourself first sometimes, you need to stay healthy for yourself and others around you, in body and mind. We must recognize words have positive and negative sides. You no longer have to say yes to everything people ask or give a full explanation of why you cannot. It is fine to say no thank you. Give yourself a voice.

We are only on this piece of rock for a short space of time, so why not take time to look after yourself as well as others? Long hours in the office, always doing what others want, running errands for others, you can lose yourself. You can find yourself resentful at a life that others live, you have the right to a version of that life.

Look at others around you and how they negotiate to be selfish in their life for a positive impact. Talk to others about how they use their time, learn from others how to and how not to use your new power of selfishness, or just invent your own selfishness that benefits yourself.