Masculine culture has stigmatised the emotional expression of men to the point that they are one of the highest demographics of suicide in the world.

Labelling sadness, shame and hurt as “weakness, being a pussy, sissy, or bitch”, makes it unsafe for men to FEEL VULNERABLE and share and process their emotional states.

As men have the same biochemical and energetic capacity to experience the full depth and range of emotions as woman do, this war on the feelings of men creates a painful and dangerous shadow that in many ways is responsible for the level of aggression, disconnection and violence we see in our current society.

When men avoid and deny their emotions, especially ones of hurt, sadness and shame, they go into unhealthy avoidance patterns of coping and addiction which become destructive loops that ruin their lives and the lives of the people they love.

How can the avoidance of these emotions be at the root of the destructive behaviours of men?

Sadness, hurt and shame are deeply vulnerable states.

When there is self empathy with these states we FEEL our own pain and what they are in relation to.

If we don’t know how to feel and process sadness, shame and hurt as men, we cut ourselves off from our vulnerability and become disconnected from our feelings.

When we become disconnected from our feelings we suppress them, and SUPPRESSION CREATES PROJECTION.

This disconnection from our feelings creates a projection of judgement, criticism, hate and anger towards the world and we begin to feel aggression and rage because our inner child is being ignored.

When men learn how to feel their vulnerable emotions they learn how to stand in their pain and shame and their humanity awakens.

Instead of needing to be corrected in their behaviour from the outside world, their own self-empathy, compassion and humanity guide them from within and their conscience lets them know when they have acted out of integrity with life.

This self correcting pattern has been disrupted by the suppression of vulnerable emotions, and external shaming and criticism from parents, teachers, peers, and other external authorities.

Men have lost their own inner compass of right and wrong and need to be taught morals or rules in order to understand something that is so innate for a child.

In the work I do with men, one of the first phases is deconstructing the conditioned self.

I work with the men to identify which aspects of their identity they created in order to survive in their childhood environment.

Often times this is the complete opposite of what will work in their romantic relationships as it’s a reaction to their environment instead of an expression of their authentic inner nature.

Which is why they are struggling with their relationship in the first place.

The disconnection from their authentic self and the formation of a conditioned self makes them feel like two people instead of feeling whole and able to relate in a healthy way.

Once we begin breaking down this false self and revealing the softer, vulnerable self, their inner wisdom starts to function again and they regain connection with their inner compass and humanity.

This wakes them up from the inside and they very quickly reach greater depths of awareness about themselves, which allows them to hold a greater depth in their relationships.

The solution for this pattern of denial is not shoving what the man did wrong in their face and making them confront it.

It’s diving deeper into the aspect of themselves they are avoiding which needs to be integrated so their unhealthy behaviour no longer makes sense.

Its helping them self-empathise, feel and accept themselves instead of disconnecting from their vulnerability and pain.

If you’d like some help in breaking down the armour you’ve built around your heart so you can connect deeper with yourself and your partner, apply for a free 60 minute  “heal your intimacy blocks” session with me through the link in our bio.

With love,

Kai