Objectified sex is like junk food… we’re bombarded with glitzy ads and internet videos glorifying it, showing attractive people devouring it, convincing us to eat as much of it as possible, encouraging us to Super Size! It’s tempting, it’s alluring, it seduces us into thinking that it’s “all that”. We obsess over it, worship it and become a slave to it until we finally get our hands on some and give in to the salty, sugary debauchery. Our eyes roll back in our head, our body relaxes… we finally get that hit, that spike in cortisol.
But… afterwards we’re left feeling lethargic and sick. We look at the packaging with remorse and quickly throw it in the garbage, wanting to forget it ever happened. “Ugh, how did I fall for that!?” I’m never doing that again! But then an hour later we’re hungry again… we’re desperate for another hit to fill the void, “Maybe if I have KFC this time, instead of McDonalds, it’ll be better?”… we’re searching for other options because it didn’t fill us up, it didn’t have any nutrients in it, it’s processed, it’s fake.… it wasn’t really food!
But connected sex, the kind that isn’t splashed in our face on billboards, is like rich, delicate, carefully crafted gourmet food from a fine dining restaurant. It’s a whole different experience. It doesn’t need cheap advertising and manipulation to lure us in, because it sells itself. It gets attention through word of mouth. (Excuse the pun! Prepare yourself for more!). It’s made from organic ingredients, carefully cooked so that it releases it’s natural juices. It doesn’t need fake, processed chemicals and injectables or heavy duty electrical machines to do it’s work, it’s gently and lovingly prepared by hand, it’s infused with nutrients.
And eating it is not only a completely earth shattering experience, but it fills us up and gives us more energy. It’s nutritious as well as tasty! Afterwards we lay there feeling completely blissful. We bounce out of bed energized and eager to fuel our positive, creative energy into our work and activities. We’re ready to take on the world!
So why do we sometimes settle for junk sex when we can have gourmet sex? Because we’re habitual creatures and we fall back into old conditioned habits. It takes work to break out of these habits, but the pay off is HUGE (I told you there’d be more pun fun!).
Here are a 6 quick tips for breaking Junk Sex habits and cultivating Gourmet Sex habits…
1. Avoid porn – when our mind is used to visual stimulation it gets lazy and it’s harder to become aroused. (So punny!) Instead, try reading erotic literature, write erotic literature, use your imagination/visualization, sexy dance, or at least downgrade to soft porn to begin with. (This is as much for the ladies as it is for the men… You’d be surprised guys!)
2. Avoid using machines and toys – toys desensitize us so that our bodies get used to stronger pressure. Instead use a flower, a feather, crystals, other gentle, natural objects to spice things up and there are these magical things called our hands that work wonders! Be gentle…
3. Get in touch with our natural sexual energy – kundalini yoga, any yoga, breathwork, certain kinds of meditation (especially those that draw attention to our sexual centre), dance, hula hooping, sexual energy exercises, any movement that loosens up the hips.
4. De-stress – one of the main reasons that people find it hard (been there, done that!) to connect to sexual energy is stress and emotional blockages. So see a therapist, do mediation, do a self development course, work through sexual trauma, work through emotional trauma, do high impact exercise, watch a rom com and have a good cry, do whatever helps you alleviate stress.
5. Do it sober – alcohol may lower our inhibitions mentally, but it also disconnects us from our natural rhythms and makes it more challenging to climax. I think we’re all too familiar with the drunken flop. Be present. Stay alert and erect!
6. Connect Emotionally – If we’re not connected to our partner emotionally, it’s only a physical, disconnected junk food act, rather than a full mind, body and soul gourmet food experience. Intimacy is fostered through vulnerability. Play truth or dare, share secrets, or watch a romantic comedy together. Do whatever it takes to connect. And then… you’re good to go…
Once we’re in a healthy, safe, loving, committed relationship with a high class restaurant, we can still decide to go for McDonalds or KFC once in a while. But when we’ve become accustomed to the refined delicacy of a delectable seafood platter, a cold McDonalds cheeseburger just doesn’t compare.
The choice is ours. Gourmet sex is worth holding out for, it might be a little more expensive, it might take longer to find a restaurant we’re compatible with, but it’s totally worth it!
Bon Appe-tit!
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