Mid 40s, mid 50s as a woman’s age can cause a feeling of, out of body experience. We feel our bodies, we look in the mirror and all we think in our minds are not the same. Why?
As for me, I never imagined what I would look like, feel like or even think like. I couldn’t see past 40 or what I thought a 40 yr old me, would be.
Here I am 50. I’m not totally displeased but struggling to accept. In my head I think I’m 25, may 28, when I look at my body, I think maybe 40, my hair & face are not as recognizable to me. Not sure what I thought I would look like.

Up until maybe 5 years ago, I was always told I looked 10 years younger. So in my head I got stuck there. But with time/age there’s stress, wear, disease, environment, unhealthy habits take a toll.

Not being consistent with skincare, exercise, healthy food & habits sneak up. I’m thankful that I’ve prevented a lot of it until I turned 40, I went through a divorce, which took a heavy toll on me. Emotionally, I went through a sense of identity crisis. I started drinking alcohol like never before. I picked up other questionable habits. I disregarded a lot of my core beliefs.

So here I am back pedaling. I made some unhealthy medical decisions which at the time, made sense. I have found myself the last year grasping for understanding.

Do all women about 50 feel like this? Surely, I’m not alone. I’m grateful to have made it to this age. I also feel that I’ve let myself down. I was going through life maybe in denial, unsure, naive how things would be for me.

I’m thankful for the experiences and some wisdom to share. Maybe there’s more to me than meets the eye. I’m wanting to find some clarity, ownership and drop the shame.