My first go at sobriety was mid May, almost 7 years ago, and the little mountain town that I lived in was in full on summer mode. There was live music at the local bar every Saturday night, and because I feel most alive when dancing (and I never miss a chance to show off a cute outfit – a rare opportunity in a rafting town), I refused to miss out on a good time just because I wasn’t drinking. I learned how to be a part of the community and enjoy the local watering hole without actually indulging. Even now, when I crave a sense of community and belonging, I go to my local bar to connect with familiar faces. This is how I found myself bellied up to the bar on Friday night, drinking spritzy waters and chatting with old friends.
That night, I had a conversation that I continue to have in many different situations, all perpetuated by the same curiosity. A friend took up space venting about the job that he hated, lack of hobbies, lack of companionship and pain in his physical body. When he suggested biding his time and waiting for death to come knocking, I stopped him. “If you could do anything that would set your soul on fire AND give you a livable income, what would you do?” I love asking this question. Mostly because it’s usually met with answers like, “I would live in a van down by the river.” (great answer, but that doesn’t give you income), “I’ve never considered income and happiness together.”, or my favorite “why bother, it’s just not possible.”
I sat there and challenged him as we workshopped through all the reasons why he couldn’t and imagined a life that he would genuinely be excited to live. Whether he takes action on those ideas is totally up to him and frankly, I’d be surprised if he remembered the conversation the next day, but it lit me up all the same. There is an underlying theme that I keep bumping up against with people, a belief that they have to be stuck in a job/career/location/relationship/whatever that they don’t absolutely love, mostly because it provides some type of security.
As kids, no one asked us “what lights you up?”. Instead we are told to do the best possible job in school, so you can go to the best college, get the best job, and work your way up the ladder, until you can afford the life you want at 60. As a freshman in high school, I was terrified when I got my first D (it was in gym because we were graded on our hand eye coordination, which is stupid, and the only thing that saved me was running a 5:50 mile for our final). I was absolutely convinced that D would affect me for years to come. In the 12ish years since I graduated high school, not one single person has asked me about my transcript.
Somewhere along the way, I was bumped off the typical path you’re “supposed” to follow and started forging my own way in the world. I followed no other guidance than trying something new and listening when my intuition said “this isn’t it”, which happened a lot. I started to get closer and closer to the invisible goal, all the while making decisions that my friends and family labeled crazy or leisurely.
The result of all that listening is a career I feel so good about, so grateful for, so excited to share with the world. Even when I’m sick, or tired or at capacity, I still have the desire to support others in their healing and growing (in personal, business, marketing). I still believe in my ability to live a fulfilled and happy life.
“Happiness is the product of a mind that ‘s allowed to think as it needs to and has enough of what it requires” This came out of the book I’m currently reading.
A propose a radical idea; Happiness is a state of being available to anyone with enough courage to follow their hearts.
So many cling onto their excuses for why they can’t be happy right now, but they will be when….
Or to their reasons why they have to be stuck right where they are
Or justifications for why where they are isn’t terrible. But I’m not talking about “not terrible”, I’m talking about light your fucking soul on fire, jumping for joy because you can’t believe the world can be this great, absolutely in love with your entire life.
I know that feeling exists. I’ve seen it, and I’ve felt it.
I encourage you to look at your life. What gives you fuck yes energy? What lights you up and makes you feel alive? If you could do anything you want, and it brings in income, what would it be? I encourage you to imagine without blocks, limitations or all your mind’s reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t. Because at the end of the day, the stories you tell yourself helps create your current and future reality, so why not let it be full of possibilities?
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