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April 6, 2023

Confessions of a recovering perfectionist.

I’m on a crusade to stop waiting for things to be perfect and live my life. Posting this article is part of that mission ­– I could keep editing, but instead I’m putting it out there in the world.

In Fabrice Midal’s book The French Art of Not Giving a Sh*t, there is a chapter called Stop Wanting to be Perfect. This, among other messages in the book, resonated with me.

Midal says “We want so badly to be perfect that we no longer recognize our success, because we think that what we do is never enough.”

I’ve personally struggled with this idea of success ever since I left my corporate job to start my own business, Firefly Community. As a solopreneur, I no longer have traditional external indicators that I’m doing a good job: the merit increases, promotions, performance reviews, or a manager to praise me for a project well-done. Now I’m the boss of myself, and a critical one at that.

I’ve always had high expectations, particularly of myself. That can be dangerous in the world of entrepreneurship where you have to fail in order to grow. Mix lofty goals with high expectations, and you have a recipe for struggle.

Perfectionism not only holds us back from moving forward and putting ourselves out there, but it can stifle authenticity. Midal says “When we are most exposed, most genuine…only then do we find the possibility to truly connect with others. It’s as if taking a risk is required for a real heart-to-heart connection. By trying to be perfect, we smother this precious source within.”

I experience this when I teach yoga. My best classes aren’t the ones that are “perfect” (when I don’t make any mistakes in my cues or in left vs. right sides), but rather the ones when I’m the most vulnerable and share a piece of myself with the class. In those moments, people can connect with me, because they see the real person who cares deeply about sharing the gift of yoga, but who has flaws and doesn’t always get everything right.

When I was first thinking of launching my business, I hired a business coach. One assignment he gave me was abstract painting. While it seemed like a strange task, the intent was to help me transition from my current state (an employee in a detailed, analytical role) to that of a visionary leader who sees the big picture. Creative outlets, I have come to realize, are a must to get me out of the weeds – the detailed work that feeds my perfectionist tendencies.

While trying to stay afloat in my business, I’ve had many starts and stops. I’ve experienced success and have faced struggle. I sometimes get caught up in doing, and focusing on busy-work, which pulls me away from the big picture. I slip back into old habits. In those time, I have to step back, press pause and reconnect with my creative outlets – the things that make me feel most alive.

To help me let go of those perfectionist tendencies, I say yes to the things that bring me joy, like going for a swim or a bike ride for fun rather than to train for a race, hiking with the dogs, getting out on the water to paddle board or kayak, camping under a sky full of stars and taking the time to look up, painting along to YouTube videos in my kitchen, writing for the pure enjoyment of it, or listening to music and singing and dancing to my heart’s content.

What helps you get out of your head and into your body? The next time you feel that perfectionist gremlin grabbing the reins, remember that taking a risk allows us to share our most authentic self with the world.

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Carrie Lehtonen  |  Contribution: 2,820