I am tired of living in a world where the pursuit of happiness drowns out real feelings. Feelings that are darker and more frequent than bliss.

My dad once told me that Haitians wear black and cry when a baby is born to mourn their entrance into a world filled with so much suffering. Opposite, when someone dies they wear white and celebrate their freedom from the shackles of life. I don’t know if this cultural reference is necessarily true. Whether it is or isn’t, and sorry for not Googling it, it makes perfect sense to me.

Life is hard, so damn hard. At least it is has been for me and for so many of those around me. Yet, we keep trudging on.

We keep pretending with our smiles and “I’m good” answer when someone asks, “how are you”? We go to work and chat it up with colleagues, “My weekend was superb! Thanks for asking!” Meanwhile, we spent Saturday and Sunday cleaning, binge watching series on Netflix, eating dollar store ramen, and weeping in bed. We tell friends close and afar how awesome the days are. We share other users’ messages of positivity on Instagram and post pictures of the jovial stuff. We lie to ourselves, and others, to live up to the pressure of being happy.

What is happiness anyway and why is everyone so obsessed with it? Happiness is often defined as “an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment.” The constant chase for its feeling is exactly what’s getting in the way of ever truly feeling at peace.

There are a million and one ways now to be happy. We try one, then another, and 5,033 tries in, we’re still just what we are and what we feel. Ultimately, we feel awful for it, for not living up to the happiness hype.

We keep on existing in our façade and hoping no one will catch on, but the act is exhausting. We catch on. We catch onto our own hard and stressful work – the work of constantly acting cheerful and seeking happiness.

There is no doubt that happiness is real. That millions feel it often, some more than others.

However, how about talking a bit more about the sad days? Normalize the feelings on the other end of the spectrum.

When we accept that all feelings can coexist and that it isn’t all rainbows, maybe then will we all be more authentic to ourselves and the world. Unafraid to answer, “Ehh, today’s not the best day for me.” Bold to post a selfie glum in an unmade bed. Unashamed to say, “I’m not too happy” and not feel judged for it.

Ultimately, the pursuit of happiness is a form of perfectionism. We are flawed humans in a truly imperfect world, so how is that logical? Going back to the definition of happiness – we can be downcast and feel satisfaction and fulfillment simultaneously. It can all be, be at the same time.

Let’s talk about and applaud those who are irritable, downhearted, and all those other “negative” feelings today, and then smiling and joyful the following week. That’s normal. And that’s perfect.