I have always been the black sheep of the family, struggling with various relationships, including making friends from an early age. I often felt like I didn’t quite fit in, as my interests, values, and beliefs differed to those around me.

This struggle continued throughout my school years, where I was bullied for being different and not fitting into the social norms of being a ‘cool kid’ because of my height, weight, social skills, and academic abilities.

As I moved through adolescence and into adulthood, at times I would completely change my identity in order to fit in and be accepted. I tried to dress, talk, and engage in activities like certain people. I even tried to act smarter and funnier, which was an epic failure and only made things worse.

I have hung out with the wrong crowds, people who have disrespected me, gossiped about me, and betrayed my trust. I have gone to events that I didn’t necessarily want to, but I pushed through because I yearned for connection. I have allowed all sorts of nasty and embarrassing things to happen because, at the time, I thought it was acceptable and that such experiences were a part of having friends.

Over time, I have come to understand that we have different types of friends for different seasons of our lives. Some friendships suddenly stop, while others naturally fade away. There are social, sporting, and work friends, as well as old school friends who I have known for a long time. And, of course, there are the loyal friends who have stood by me at every stage of my life.

Sometimes I feel that I only allow certain aspects of myself to be seen depending on the friendship and how comfortable I feel in the relationship. I have learnt that this acts as my internal compass. If I am holding back and not being my true, authentic self, then it becomes clear that this relationship isn’t ‘filling my cup’.

Once you start to live a more holistic and spiritual lifestyle, your circle of friends tends to evolve, it may even become smaller as you search for connection with like-minded souls. Finding your tribe isn’t always easy, depending on your location and interests. There have been periods in my life where I’ve not had like-minded friends, which has left me feeling isolated and alone. The rise of online connection, however, has made it easier for people to connect with one another and bridge the gap.

In recent years, I have been fortunate to meet kindred spirits, and these connections have instilled in me deep gratitude and appreciation for friendship. I was, however, still searching for my tribe – a group of people who share common interests, values, and goals. A community that provides a sense of belonging and support.

In January 2023, I started my journey and enrolled in the Yoni Massage Practitioner training with Temple Of She, which included a seven-day intensive retreat in March.

Prior to going on the retreat, a coach I was working with at the time, who is an Erotic Maven herself, suggested that I would find my tribe and encounter like-minded souls. At that moment, I didn’t really understand this comment or even believe it would be possible.

When I arrived at the retreat, I felt lonely and desperately wanted to be accepted. When I met the seven other women, whom I had not met face to face before, there was an immediate sense that we had previously crossed paths. Over the following seven days, we shared profound experiences and formed deep connections.

I have always been a person that values personal space, so the prospect of sharing my room with two mavens was not something I was looking forward to. As I settled into my accommodation, I was very shy and guarded. I thought to myself, ‘I just have to suck it up and get on with it; it’s only seven days’.

By the end of the first day, conversations were flowing effortlessly among the three of us. We shared our experiences, upbringings, and life stories, and the connections we forged were potent. As the week progressed, I slowly let my guard down and realised how much I truly cherished the company of these two beautiful souls. Towards the end of the week, it felt like we had been best friends for lifetimes. While there were times of heavy processing, for the most part our room was filled with fun and laughter.

It wasn’t only my experience with my room mavens that filled my cup, but also the connections I formed with the other beautiful women in attendance and the experiences we shared. Together, we laughed, we cried, we screamed, we howled, we danced, we skinny dipped, and we hugged. We did ice baths and breath work together. We got naked in front of each other and told our body stories. We held space for one another in the sacred temple, learning how to give and receive Yoni Massages. To say it was an epic week would be an understatement.

On the last day of the retreat, as we gathered in a circle, I shared, ‘I have been searching for my tribe my whole life and I have found it right here”. I didn’t want to leave. I cried when every single person left to return home.

After the retreat, when everyone returned to their everyday lives the online training continued. I remember sharing how overwhelmed I was feeling. The love, gratitude, joy, support, and connection I felt was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Words failed to explain the bonds that were formed among these women who had courageously confronted their hidden selves and bared their souls.

To have supportive women who will hold me when I’m having a meltdown, without trying to save me, or telling me what I should or shouldn’t do, is an incredibly potent thing. They allow me to show up exactly as I am, without feeling alone, or ashamed about what I am going through or choosing to do.  They encourage me, from a place of love and compassion, to get my shit together and stop playing it small.

I thought this training was going to be entirely about learning how to provide Yoni Massages and how to create a business for myself, but little did I know that it held so much more for me. Finding my tribe has given me a profound sense of purpose in my life. Meeting and connecting with my tribe has been one of the most sacred things that will forever fill my heart.

If you are searching for your tribe – a group of people who share common interests, values, and goals, and provide a sense of belonging and support – don’t give up. Keep searching. Get out of your comfort zone by attending workshops, retreats, or training programs with like-minded souls. Just as I have found mine, I believe you can find yours too.