As I sit here in my sisters backyard I am seeing this “joyful” day in another light. The sky is overcast, it swirls above me creating a vortex that gives me a glimpse of the black sky. Those pretty firecrackers we love, they fill the air going unseen except for their glow and the sound they emit. I’m not sure if it’s possible but tonight feels sad. Not that I feel sad on this night, but the world feels sad. As the thunder comes crashing down echoing behind the pops, crackles and whistles I’m reminded of the war the men and women fought before us. That ironically this is what it must have sounded like…what it must have looked like vaguely. Everything dark and foggy, the clouds lit from the constant fire and planes in the sky.

I’m not saying I don’t like fire crackers but I saw a new perspective tonight.

How many men a women hide like our animals because they can’t stand the noise thats so familiar to times of trails and tribulations for them. I sympathize is all.

And I prophesied. I sit here in the grass beneath the frightening and beautiful sky thinking were on the precipice. We all are. I almost walked off the ledge but stopped just in time. More like I was falling and grappled for the wall and am now climbing back up. What I’m trying to get at is we are all capable of such greatness, we can turn around an impossible situation if we will it enough. It’s only a matter of caring and trying.

We all need to care more.

It’s easy to fall into a space that almost feels like an out of body experience, “merely existing” not “living”.

I’ve been making some scary choices lately… and I’ll be making a lot more. That little voice in my head is as good as rambling as I am, though. Everyday I smile, laugh fuel myself and know I’m doing the right thing by me, until night comes. The voices, the doubt creeps in.

Nothing is easy and nothing is simply handed to you.

I am terrified. But I feel more alive than I have in probably a decade. I’m reveling in the experience that could not work out. Because life is too short not to do what you want and give it your all. It’s too short to waste time on the what ifs and what about.