“Suck it up.”

“Shake it off.”

“Calm down.”

None of these things are helpful and you should stop saying them to people.

I recently posted a comment that said, “I’m basically sick of everything right now.” Instead of offering up some kind or encouraging words, a few people were telling me to cheer up. I’m sorry, but that is not helpful at all. It actually made me even more pissed off than I already was.

Although someone might have meant well, their good intentions might rub someone the wrong way.

When you say one of these unhelpful comments, you might be denying that person’s right to feel sad, mad, upset or whatever it may be. You’re also minimizing their feelings and, possibly, making them feel worse. Maybe they are severely depressed. Maybe they are experiencing crippling anxiety. Maybe they just lost a loved one, or a pet, or a job. Maybe they’re just having a really bad day.

Here are a few things you can say instead, that might actually help:

• I’m here to listen.
• I’m here for you.
• What can I do to help?
• I love you.
• I care about you.
• Do you need some quiet time?
• Would you like some company?

One of these alternatives might be better received and provide some comfort.