{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}
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I’ve never met anyone in a relationship who hasn’t struggled from time to time.

Who hasn’t looked at their partner in a moment of frustration and wondered (or, if you’re like me, said out loud):

What is wrong with you?

Why are you like this?

Or, depending on the situation, flipped those questions around:

What is wrong with me?

Why am I like this?

The point is that relationships require work, and work can be hard…draining…exhausting at times.

And when we’re in that space, it can be tough to remember what we’re fighting for. It can be tough to prioritize what’s going right over what’s going wrong. It can be tough to remember all the tools and tips that have helped us get this far.

We get bogged down by past hurts and triggers and personal stress and the grind of doing life, day to day, with another person.

When I’m struggling, I remind myself (sometimes repeatedly) that I love this person. That I chose this person—not once, but every day since that first day.

While this might sound obvious, it can be easy to forget when we’re struggling.

Here are five reminders from Therapy Jeff on Instagram that also sound obvious but are often forgotten:

 

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“One, when you ask for reassurance, you need to accept it.

Two, if you can’t let go of resentment, you need to express it.

Three, nobody will love or support you in the very specific way you want, even though you deserve it.

Four, during an argument it is so incredibly important to remember that you love each other.

Five, apologizing is great but changed behavior is what makes for a successful relationship.”

And three more reminders that I’ve used in my own relationship:

It’s not my job or responsibility to fix or manage someone else’s big feelings. We’re all adults here. 

Sometimes the best way to handle conflict is to walk away and give each other space until we can both show up as our best selves. 

So far, our relationship has survived every obstacle it has faced. And as long as we’re both committed to working together, there’s a good chance we’ll continue to overcome. 

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