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I miss my mom today.

I will turn 70 in just a few months. That is how old she was when she made her transition.

Some would say I have lived a good long life. Others would say I am still young and have many years ahead of me.

I am sitting on the sofa watching my beautiful dog Willie take in shallow breaths. I say he is way too young to leave me, and his body says it’s been a great ride, but it’s time to go.

I don’t t want to let him go. I didn’t want to let my mom go. I am scared to think of my going.

I had no choice with my mom. There was no warning. It was quick, and I hope painless for her.

I have a choice with my Willie dog. I am trying to read his mind. Is he in pain? Has he given up? I am frozen by the fear of making the wrong choice for him.

I suppose I have a choice for myself as well. Am I in pain? No. Have I given up? No. I still have a long to-do list and am looking forward to checking things off of it. But I am not gonna lie—most days I am frozen in fear for myself with the worrying about how much time I have left to complete my list.

Grief and loss can be debilitating no matter the circumstances.

I still miss my mom and the love and memory of her. She was my rock.

I already miss the energy and love that was/is Willie. Our time together was pure joy and adventure.

I mourn for the girl I was and am so proud of the woman I became who survived it all.

There are no more chapters for my mom. Willie and I maybe have a few more days to share before I have to say goodbye to him.

I am living my last chapter and I know that though there are sad, hard days ahead, and there is also laughter and love and memories to be made.

I plan on taking full advantage of all of it. I will feel the feels, even the painful ones. I am grateful for it all.

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