{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}
~

*Warning: spicy language ahead!
~

Let’s get something clear right now:

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. In fact, the darker role that it plays in our lives is the topic of another piece that I’m currently working on.

However, as a creative entrepreneur, writer, and small business owner, it seems like social media is a necessary part of my experience, both from a user and provider perspective. I am exploring how this doesn’t have to be the case, though.

I recall early last year, upon investing in working with a fabulous business coach, that during our first group coaching call after voicing how much I hate Facebook, said coach declared that I could voice that just one more time and then we were going to change this point of view and make Facebook my bitch!

Hmm…

Images of Facebook personified, crawling on its hands and knees, scantily clad, with a collar around its neck and me leading it on a leash appeared in a flash before my eyes.

Hmm again…

Now, I’m here to report that a) no, I didn’t make Facebook my bitch (well, maybe a 70s Vaseline style, soft porn-esque bitch perhaps), and b) it did get me thinking though.

What if I was to make Facebook my lover?

The thing is, we are in relationship to and with social media. Especially if, as mentioned before, we use it as the shop front, the marketplace, the metaphorical noticeboard (God, how I miss those noticeboards!) for what we are offering. We use it to share and serve.

So, in that case, it got me wondering just what kind of relationship I do currently with it, as well as what kind of relationship would I not only want, but how could that be a super erotic, turned on, delicious, teasingly tempting, and pleasurable one.

I mean, is that even possible?

Let’s explore this, shall we?

We’ll go with the playful (I’m all about the play, baby) idea that Facebook (insert your social media channel of choice) and I have chosen to go to couple’s therapy. Let’s see what happens!

Therapist: It’s great that you’re both here. Well done for taking that first, courageous step. Tell me about your relationship as it stands right now.

Facebook: (Sits there looking indifferent and, quite frankly, uninterested and bored.)

Me: I guess I’ll go first then (glances at Facebook and sighs). We’ve been together now a few years. For a while, you know at the beginning, it was fun. We were both getting to know each other. We were a little shy. We learned a lot about each other over those first few years.

But lately, well, I would say over the last couple of years, I feel that we’ve become, I don’t know, distant? (Side-eyes Facebook who is staring ahead at nothing in particular.) I feel that I don’t really matter to them anymore. Sure, they’re much more popular than in the beginning, I get that, and that’s fine (a noticeable pause). But I just don’t think they care about me, and well, that’s bothering me now.

I feel that, look, I’m at the end of my tether here. We used to have fun. Got on well. Were in sync, but to be honest, I just feel like I’m wasting my time and I’m so close to, well, to walking away. But I want to know if, with your help, we can give it another chance.

Therapist: Thank you. I hear you. How about you Facebook? How are you feeling about your relationship?

Facebook: (Sighs heavily) Look, I’m not sure why I’m here, and to be completely honest, I’m not caring either way. If she wants to split up with me, I’m not bothered. Sorry, not sorry. (Looks over at me as they say that.)

Therapist: Thank you for your honesty. How does it feel to hear that?

Me: Yeh, I kinda know that. (Speaking to Facebook) I know that you don’t have the same emotional capacity as I do. You know, I’m sensitive and I care a lot and might have visibility and “please love me” issues and get frustrated often…

Therapist: Tell me more about this frustration.

Me: Sure. I feel like I can spin and twirl and dance for you (looks at Facebook as I say this) but it’s like you’re some kind of zen paragon of virtue and whatever I do, it doesn’t matter to you at all. I mean, I don’t even know why I make such an effort to get you to notice me!

I could be naked and well… Actually, you know you should see them when I am a little saucy. That gets their attention, that’s for sure, let me tell you! In some ways, you are actually kind of a prude. You should see them when I show a little flesh or poke them with the provocateur. It’s like they become all puritanical. Punishing even!

Therapist: Punishing?

Me: Yeah! They put me in prison. Make me go away and think about what I’ve done, you know? Won’t speak to me or let me speak to them for a few days. It’s kinda kinky when you think about it.

(At this, there’s a subtle smirk on Facebook’s face.)

Therapist: It seems like that makes you laugh.

Me: Yes, it does. I’m realising just how much I strive too much to get Facebook to care when they’ve always been honest from the beginning.

Therapist: Does that change anything for you? It sounds like there’s an acceptance there.

Me: In some ways, yes. I don’t need to try so hard. But…(looks at Facebook now) I still want to see if we can make this work. You know. If we can have a better, healthier, you could say, relationship.

(Facebook looks at me blankly.)

Therapist: Great. Now, what might that mean to you?

Me: Well, I don’t want to pretend to be anything that I’m not. Integrity is important to me.

Therapist: Good. Describe the ideal relationship you’d like with Facebook, now that you know that you can’t change them. And that you don’t want to either.

Me: Great question. Thank you. (Thinks for a moment.)

(Facebook is pretending not to care, but secretly they’re curious and interested, for the first time in this session.)

Me: Here goes. I want our relationship to be mutually respectful. That’s the first thing. I want to be fully myself with you. I want to feel good after spending time with you, you know, to feel inspired, excited, alive, content…ha content, see what I did there? (Laughs to herself).

I want to flirt with you and not give a shit whether you respond to me or not. It doesn’t matter. This is for me, about me. I have this image in my head of you as like a dancing pole and I’m using you to slide up and down on, to spin around, to lean up against, to twirl and dance and do whatever the fuck desire tells me to do. Not to get anything from you, but for my own enjoyment, my own thrill. My own turn on. (Blushes slightly).

I want to throw kisses at you, and flowers at your feet. No knickers though, we know what that will lead to. God, you’re such a tease, aren’t you? (Gives Facebook a playful elbow nudge as she says this). I want to rage at you when I feel like it. Weep at you. Be soft and vulnerable with you. And all the time to know that none of this has anything to do with you. It’s all for me. It’s all for me. (Sounds slightly out of breath here, but my eyes look shinier and brighter.)

Therapist: Thank you. (Shows no emotion.) How does it feel to share all of that?

Me: Thrilling, to be honest. I feel alive. Free. Powerful. A bit cheeky! I notice that I’m biting my lip. I’m wondering where I can go with this. It feels like it might open up all sorts of possibilities. It feels exciting. I feel excited.

Therapist: Great. And how about you? (Turns toward Facebook.)

Facebook: (Actually smiling, and looks relieved even.) That all sounds great. (Turns toward me and places a hand over mine.)

I’m happy for you. I mean, if I could be happy for you, I would be. It’s a lot having all of these expectations and demands put upon me, you know. (Looks at the therapist.) There’s a lot. You have no idea.

And sure, I’m just a computer system made up of codes and bots and evil people in charge of manipulating you (smiles softly at me here and squeezes my hand), so in a way it feels good to hear that you’re not going to give so much of your power over to me. Seriously, it’s for your own good. Take my word for it. (Delivers the last few sentences in a low voice, leaning forward, and looking around as if they might be overheard.)

Therapist: (Noticing that Facebook and I are still holding hands.) Wow, this is great. I’m really happy for the both of you. I think this might be the start of a beautiful relationship.

(Facebook and I look at each other and smile.)

And off they go into the digital media landscape, skipping and twirling and pole dancing into the night!

Though there will be ups and downs and challenges, and both myself and Facebook will evolve and change, do you know what will certainly help us both right now?

If you liked, commented, and shared this post—obviously!

~

{Please consider Boosting our authors’ articles in their first week to help them win Elephant’s Ecosystem so they can get paid and write more.}

~