I scuff through the crunchy colourful leaves on my way to the mail box.

Taking a deep breath of the crisp fall air, I turn the key and open the box with a sense of anticipation.

I love receiving a letter in the mail. I will often wait to open it until I have time to savour each word without interruption. What will today’s mail bring? I sort through the flyers and circulars that are already advertising Christmas sales. Then my breath catches with excitement. There is a “real letter” addressed to me.

Today, I got a letter from my Future Self. The woman who is 20 years older than I am now. I am eager to sit quietly with this letter. I hurry home and curl up in my favourite green arm chair, snuggling under the cozy blanket which is draped over the back of the chair. The handwriting is spidery and wanders a bit over the page. The stationery is thick and cream coloured. There are splotches of black ink from the fountain pen that she got as a gift many years ago. She only uses it for writing personal notes to the loved ones in her life.

Dear Marjorie (she writes),

I love you so much and I wrote this letter to encourage you at this tough time of your life. You recently got the news that your husband’s heart is not healthy. Tests showed that he has a blocked artery in his heart and it can not be fixed with surgery. I know this was a shocking thing to hear, and both of you are sobered by this.

I hear your questions: How will I make it through all of this? What if he doesn’t survive? How can I support him when I am so overwhelmed?

You are in a state of panic and anxiety. You want to stay calm and healthy and wonder how to manage this tumultuous rollercoaster of emotions.

I encourage you to feel all of your feelings. Do not deny them or push them away. Cry. Shout. Move your body. Write in your journal. Talk to someone you trust. I know from my past experiences that the body remembers any trauma that is not released and healed. I am glad you have a therapist who understands this. I am proud of you for going for acupuncture treatments as well. Keep on lifting those weights. Your strong body will be a foundation for you both physically and emotionally.

My dearest one, appreciate the little things. Do not take anything for granted. The morning coffee you share with your husband as you relax in bed together. The rambling conversation about the kids and grandkids. The memories of past trips and the dreaming together of places to go when his health is restored. As I view these things from my old age, I want to remind you that they are actually not “little things.” They are the loving connection that hold the two of you together.

Have faith that his body will get stronger. You can be a team in cooking good food and walking in nature at a pace that he can manage. Trust the medical team that is so knowledgeable and willing to teach him how to regain his active lifestyle. You are not alone on this path.

Here is something you might not like to hear. I am going to say it anyway. Marjorie, I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Focus on what is going well for you. Celebrate your health and vitality. There will always be things to criticize about yourself. It’s time to stop obsessing about your weight or your less than perfect abdomen. Really, from my vantage point, I can say, “Who cares?” Especially when stress levels are so high, be kind to yourself, my dear one. Enjoy that bowl of ice cream. Snack without guilt on a bag of Cheezies. Life is meant to be filled with pleasure.

I see you trying to balance your sense of responsibility for your family with your weariness and exhaustion. I am here to remind you that caring for yourself is the only way you will have energy to care for your loved ones. Allow your adult children to plan the family gatherings, to bring you meals and help with driving, especially on those dark, rainy nights. Self-compassion will lead to increased empathy for others that is authentic and comes from your heart.

I was happy to hear that you are practicing saying no. It’s okay to change your mind, even if you said you would do something. You are learning to rest, to be your own best friend, and to not link your self-worth to what you are accomplishing.

I feel so tender as I hear about the friendships you have nurtured by your vulnerability and willingness to ask for help. You are not pretending to “hold it all together.” You have gathered a circle of LOVE around you like a warm blanket.

Embrace each moment. Celebrate the connection you have with your husband. Hold hands as you walk. Stop to grab a kiss or a hug. Laughter will lighten your load. You have the legacy of a long beautiful marriage and together you will thrive and enjoy life together.

It’s time for me to stop writing. My pen is almost out of ink and I forget how to fill the pen without help. So here are my last words.

Your story is not over. It is easy to be anxious in the midst of uncertainty. I believe that “Not Knowing” is a state of mind that offers the chance to trust all will be well. As I look back on my long life, I see the magic and miracles that happened along the way. I had many angels in human form that walked beside me. I encourage you to lean on the faith you have had all your life that there is a Higher Power that is watching over you. May you experience calm and peace.

I am inspired by your way of meeting this life challenge, Marjorie. Thank you for reading my letter.

I love you so much!

Your future Self.

Tears fall as I fold up the letter. What a powerful gift to read these words. I feel as if I am soaking in a warm bath and my older wiser woman is with me. She lights some fragrant candles and says, “Rest well, my dear child.”

Here is my invitation. You also have an older self who is waiting to inspire, comfort, and encourage you. Your circumstances are probably different from mine. No matter what you are facing, I would suggest you consider listening to your future self. Who knows what wisdom will emerge?

~