There was a time when you really believed it. Maybe you still do. That you don’t need anyone. That you’re fine on your own. That leaning on people just leads to disappointment.

You’ve got it handled. You’re self-sufficient. You don’t ask for help, you don’t get hurt, and if someone pulls away? No problem—you saw it coming.

Except…that’s not entirely true, is it?

Hyper-Independence: The Trauma Response That Gets Applauded

Some people respond to emotional pain by clinging. Others respond by running. And then there’s the third category: the ones who build a fortress so no one can get close enough to hurt them.

If you grew up learning that people were unreliable, love was conditional, or vulnerability was a liability, it makes perfect sense that you’d decide: Never again.

But here’s the catch: your walls don’t just keep out the bad stuff. They keep out the good stuff, too.

You Weren’t Born Avoidant—You Learned It

That little kid inside you? The one who wanted to be comforted, seen, and held? They’re still there. They just learned to stop asking.

>> Maybe you learned early that expressing needs led to rejection.

>> Maybe being “strong” was the only way to stay safe.

>> Maybe the people who were supposed to be there…weren’t.

And so, independence became your armor. And sure, it protects you. But it also isolates you.

The Problem With “Not Needing Anyone”

Here’s the thing about relationships: you don’t get to only experience the pain of them not working. You also have to acknowledge the pain of never fully being in one.

Yes, relying on people is risky. But pushing everyone away is its own kind of heartbreak.

>> It’s in the moments where you’re overwhelmed, but no one knows because you never let them in.

>> It’s in the relationships that end because your partner feels like they’re knocking on a locked door.

>> It’s in the silence after a hard day when you realize there’s no one to call—because you made sure of it.

The Truth? You Need People. We All Do.

Being human means needing connection. You can be independent and allow yourself to be cared for. You can be strong and admit when you’re struggling.

So maybe “I don’t need anyone” isn’t your deepest truth. Maybe it’s just the story you’ve been telling yourself to avoid the risk of needing someone who might not show up.

But here’s the real risk: what if you never give anyone the chance?

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