At first, you swore they were different. Maybe they had a rough past. Maybe they just needed time. Maybe they didn’t mean it.

You told yourself they’d grow. That their inconsistency was temporary. That the love between you was stronger than their bad habits, their emotional unavailability, their inability to meet you where you needed them to be.

And now? They seem different. Colder. More distant. Less invested.

But here’s the truth: They didn’t change. You just stopped explaining away what was there all along.

Love Makes Us Blind—Or at Least, Selective

When we want something to work, we find ways to make it make sense.

>> “They’re just not good at expressing emotions.” (Or…they don’t want to.)

>> “They pull away because they’re scared.” (Or…they’re just not that committed.)

>> “They didn’t mean to hurt me.” (Or…they don’t care enough to stop.)

We highlight the good, downplay the bad, and call it patience, loyalty, or understanding. But really? It’s self-deception in a prettier outfit.

The Moment Everything Clicks

At some point, the mental gymnastics get exhausting.

You stop twisting their behavior into something more palatable. You stop explaining away the things you don’t do for people you truly love. You stop waiting for a version of them that doesn’t exist.

And suddenly, it’s not that they’ve changed—it’s that you’re seeing clearly.

>> The “busy” excuse? You realize they make time for what matters.

>> The “bad at communication” line? You notice they’re perfectly capable with others.

>> The “unhealed trauma” explanation? You understand that pain isn’t an excuse to treat you like an afterthought.

It’s not that they became someone else. It’s that you finally let yourself see who they always were.

You Deserve Someone You Don’t Have to Explain Away

Love shouldn’t require mental gymnastics. If you have to keep bending reality to make a relationship feel okay, it probably isn’t.

The next time you catch yourself justifying why someone isn’t showing up for you, ask yourself this:

Would someone who truly cared need this many excuses?

Because the people who love you don’t need explanations for why they can’t meet you halfway. They just do.

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