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You know they were bad for you.

You know the relationship was painful. You have the receipts, the late-night sob sessions, the gut-wrenching realizations. You’ve replayed the moments, dissected the red flags, sworn to move on.

And yet, here you are. Still thinking about them. Still feeling that pull. Still wondering why the person who shattered you is the hardest to release.

If logic alone could break an emotional bond, you’d be free by now. But heartbreak doesn’t work like that.

The Brain Loves Familiarity—Even When It Hurts

You’d think pain would make it easy to leave, but the brain isn’t wired that way. It doesn’t always prioritize happiness—it prioritizes what it knows.

If love, for you, has always been tied to longing, uncertainty, or working really hard for scraps of affection, then that’s what’s going to feel like home. Not because it’s good, but because it’s familiar.

Your nervous system isn’t asking: Is this good for me? It’s asking: Does this feel like what I’ve known before? And if the answer is yes, it clings—because familiarity feels like safety, even when it’s not.

Unfinished Emotional Business

It’s not just the person you’re struggling to let go of—it’s the version of yourself that was with them.

>> The you who was still waiting for them to change.

>> The you who thought love could fix them.

>> The you who never got closure.

When a relationship ends on unresolved terms, your brain keeps spinning, trying to “solve” something that no longer exists. You’re not just grieving them—you’re grieving the possibility of what could have been.

Addiction to the Highs and Lows

Not all love is calm, steady, or secure. Some love is chaos. Some love keeps you on edge, waiting for the next moment of affection, validation, or relief.

That roller coaster of intense ups and devastating downs? It creates a chemical dependency. Dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline—your body gets used to the emotional whiplash. And when the relationship is gone, it’s not just your heart that aches—it’s your entire nervous system.

It’s not just missing them. It’s withdrawal.

The Fantasy Versus The Reality

You’re not only holding onto the person—you’re holding onto the hope that things could have been different.

>> The version of them you saw glimpses of.

>> The way they loved you sometimes.

>> The belief that if you had been different, they would have stayed.

But love isn’t about sometimes. And people don’t change just because we love them harder.

So How Do You Actually Let Go?

>> Call it what it was. Not what you hoped it could be. Not just the good moments. The whole picture.

>> Stop waiting for validation. They may never explain, apologize, or understand the damage they caused. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.

>> Let go of the version of yourself that stayed. You are not that person anymore. You don’t have to keep grieving on their behalf.

>> Remind your nervous system that safety is not in the pain. You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to chase it. It will not feel like a battlefield when it’s real.

Letting go isn’t a single decision. It’s a series of them—choosing, over and over, not to return to the thing that broke you.

And one day, you’ll wake up and realize you don’t miss them. You just miss the idea of what you thought love should feel like.

And when that happens, you’ll finally be free.

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