It’s graduation season and I feel like as moms we are programmed to spend 18 years preparing to “let your kids go,” to count the number of summers you have left, to be present every second because “it all goes by so fast.”

From the second your kids are born, you start feeling sad about each day that goes by because it’s closer to when they reach this young adulthood stage, and you have to “let them go.” So here is a report from the actual sidelines of this phase of life.

Is it as sad and gut-wrenching as I anticipated it would be all these years? It is.

I’m in the “I can’t listen to music, look at old photos, or watch anything close to sad, or the tears flow” era of life. But did anticipating it and dreading it make this part any easier? It did not.

In fact, I wish I had done less of that because the part you don’t anticipate is also how proud you feel, how excited you feel for what’s ahead for them, how honored you feel that they have allowed you to walk this path with them, how honored you feel that God chose you to be their mom, how relieved you feel to see they made it through adolescence and emerged as amazing humans, and how there is no true letting go when you are connected to your children—there’s just leaning into the sad, beautiful, scary, exciting journey that is parenthood and allowing yourself to be present for all of it. 

You’ve walked this path with them where you were carrying them, then leading them, then you were walking side by side, and now they are leading—but you’re still on the path together. Now you just get to take it in, watch in awe, and follow their lead.

This is my second year in a row I am walking this path as my son graduated high school last year, and my daughter graduates in a few weeks, and this has been my experience both times. 

When I was talking to my 19-year-old son about all of the sad things I’ve been feeling, he said, “You should also take the time to feel proud.” And I said, “Oh, of course, I am so proud of all three of my kids.” And he said, “No, not proud of us, proud of yourself. Proud that you raised us in a way that we want to come home, we want your presence in our lives, we want to call you, and we miss you as much as you miss us.” And I felt that.

It’s not an ending—it’s a transitioning.

So, my best advice from down here on the sidelines is don’t spend time dreading your children getting older, or anticipating all the ways your heart will break. Use that energy to connect and grow with them because then there is no letting go.

~