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I read Glennon Doyle’s Untamed a few years ago, and one particular line has been echoing in me ever since:

“Don’t make yourself uncomfortable to make someone else feel comfortable.”

I think about it often. I tell it to my friends when they find themselves saying yes to things they don’t want to do. It has become one of those truths I carry everywhere—the kind that sits in your chest, reshaping the way you move through the world.

Because if I’m honest, for most of my life I thought “no” needed to come wrapped in apology.

“I can’t tonight, I’m so tired.”

“I’d love to, but I’m too busy.”

“Something’s come up, sorry!”

As if the word itself wasn’t enough. As if my own boundary had to be padded with excuses before it was acceptable.

But that line from Untamed landed like a lightning strike: how many times had I squashed myself into discomfort so someone else didn’t have to feel disappointed? How many times had I given away my own ease just to keep the peace, to avoid being seen as selfish or difficult?

We are taught to be agreeable, to be available, to be “nice.” Especially as women, we learn early on that our worth is tied to how much we can give, how much we can smooth things over, how much of ourselves we can stretch thin for the comfort of others.

The cost of this is quiet but heavy: resentment, exhaustion, a dull sense of self-betrayal. Because every time we say yes when our body is begging us to say no, we abandon ourselves. And that abandonment doesn’t disappear—it lingers.

Here’s what I’ve come to realise: saying “no” is not rejection. It’s honesty. It’s clarity. It’s respect—for ourselves, but also for the other person. Because when we say yes and don’t mean it, it isn’t kindness—it’s a performance.

Boundaries are not walls. They’re doorways back to ourselves.

So I’m learning to let “no” stand on its own. Not dressed up in apology, not softened with excuses. Just no.

And here’s the surprising part: the world doesn’t collapse. People adjust. The earth keeps turning. My friendships, the true ones, remain intact.

That one line from Untamed has become a quiet mantra I carry with me, and now I offer it to you too:

“Don’t make yourself uncomfortable to make someone else feel comfortable.”

Say no when you mean no. Say yes only when it’s true. Trust that you don’t need to explain your boundaries for them to be valid.

And watch how, slowly, your life begins to feel like your own again.

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