Acceptance feels light; it feels spacious, freeing.

It opens up space within us.

Learning acceptance is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves.

So often, we want to resist what’s happening in life—the moment, a particular experience, a feeling. We dislike when we don’t feel our best and when life doesn’t seem to be going the way we want it to, and we want to resist it.

But…resistance takes energy. It brings tension. It’s thick, dense. It’s tight and heavy.

If we observe ourselves, our reactions, the things happening within us, we can observe when we’re resisting something; we can see how resistance shows up for us.

Acceptance is understanding—seeing deeply—that whatever is happening is happening. We don’t have to like it and we might have all sorts of opinions about it, but it’s happening.

This moment is what it is. This experience is happening.

Understanding that is acceptance.

It’s raining. It’s snowing. It’s humid. It’s overcast. It’s sunny. I feel tired. I’m emotional. I’m frustrated about this or annoyed by that. It’s shifting to winter. I feel sad or scared or unsure. I miss this person. I long for this experience. I’m hurting. I’m feeling insecure. I want to be somewhere, but I’m not yet there.

The other day, I didn’t sleep enough. I woke up far too early and couldn’t fall back asleep, and instead of fighting it, I let myself go with it. I turned on the light beside my bed and started reading my book. Eventually, I drank a couple of cups of coffee, and went on a walk, and I worked more than I thought I’d be able to, and by the end of the day, I realized I’d had a good day. I might have felt so tired that the world looked blurry to me, but, overall, I’d had a good day.

I accepted that I was tired, that I was low on sleep, that maybe I wasn’t going to feel my best. And I took care of myself in the way that I needed that day.

I don’t need to feel my best to have a good day. I don’t need to feel good, to feel good within myself. I accept that I won’t always feel great. I accept when I feel tired or irritable or frustrated. In fact, I even know it will happen. Sure, I’d like to feel good all the time—but I don’t expect to. I understand that things will happen and there will be days that I don’t feel my best. And I’m okay with that.

And by being okay with that, I can still feel quite nice, even if I don’t feel my best. It helps because I allow myself to flow with how I’m feeling. I release pressure and allow myself to soften my expectations; I let myself take it easy or do whatever it is I need that particular day.

Acceptance is both something that arises naturally and something that can be practiced.

Here are five tips for learning the art of acceptance:

1. Reflect. On your life, on the moment, on impermanence, on the nature of life, on the fact that we actually have so little control over the things that are happening in our lives. Reflect on whatever situation is bothering you. On what is hurting you or causing you frustration. Reflect on how you’re experience what’s happening. How are you relating to this experience?

2. Observe your inner world. How do you feel? How do those feelings show up in your body? Pay attention to your thoughts. Notice if you can see your resistance to whatever is happening. See if you can feel the energy of it. Can you notice what’s happening within you?

3. Consciously remind yourself that whatever situation is happening is happening. It can be helpful to consciously think the words or say them out loud to yourself. This is happening. I feel this. 

4. Practice coming to the moment. Through mindfulness practice, through meditation, through coming to your breath or your body or something you hear or see or feel. To a sound or to the taste of your coffee or to the sight of your pet wiggling their tale or cuddling you. The more we can practice bringing ourselves to the present moment each day, reminding ourselves to come back over and over, the more we’ll be able to do it in more challenging moments as well.

5. Embrace where you are. If you’re having a rough day, what can you do to make it easier? Lighter? More good-feeling? Could you release pressure to accomplish some of what you’d been intending? What do you need? Can you allow yourself to do what it is you need, rather than pushing yourself to do what you’d planned? Look toward all the big and little things you can appreciate in your life right now, rather than only focusing on what you don’t yet have. How can you live fully now? How can you make the most of the moments you have right now? What actions can you take right now from where you are?

We can’t control everything that happens in our lives or make life be the way we want it to be all of the time, but we can choose how we relate to it, how we react to it, how we move with it.

~