There are subtle signs that we are dating or in a relationship with someone who is affecting our mental health.

It doesn’t necessarily mean the person we are dating is a horrible human being, but regardless, the relationship still takes a toll on our mental health.

These are the 12 signs:

1. You continuously question their love for you.

This one is a given. If you continuously have to ask them if they love you, then their love is in question which directly affects your mental health.

It’s depressing to think we are in love with someone who doesn’t love us back. It makes us question, not only our partner’s love but the love we have for ourselves. Love is not supposed to be on trial. You either feel loved or you don’t, and if you don’t, then it’s best to walk away before doing more mental damage.

2. You overanalyze every text message.

The emojis they use, the amount of time in between text message responses, the length of their response is all up for a hard-core investigation. We all do it, and we play into it as well—you know, the “I am not going to respond for two hours because they didn’t.” Analyzing and picking apart emojis, words, and timing to figure out if they love us or not is cluttering our mind with negative thoughts.

When you are secure with the person you are dating, you don’t feel the need to overanalyze every text message.

3. You are sad more than you are happy.

It seems evident that if you are sad more than you are happy, it’s affecting your mental health. However, emotional turmoil in a relationship can become a norm which is more of a reason to be concerned. When you lose track of the bad times, but can easily count the good times, it means there is not enough of the good. A relationship is not perfect, but it’s not as complicated as we make it out to be.

If you feel you are always in pain with this person, it’s time to break away.

4. You obsessively creep on their social media.

We are all guilty of creeping on someone we are crushing on or dating, including me; however, when we go overboard with creeping on the person we are dating, it does more harm than good. It’s like we are torturing ourselves on purpose. We have access to so much, if not too much, information about a person through social media. For example, on Instagram, you can see the photos a person likes, who they are following, comments, and every other thing that goes into creeping. It creates unnecessary anxieties and insecurities.

If you feel this constant need to check up on them, then there is something wrong. You are almost looking for a reason to break it off. It’s obvious they are not making you feel secure in your relationship.

5. You feel they have power over your emotions.

You feel like an emotional puppet. When they give you attention, you are happy and secure. When they don’t, you are depressed and insecure. The moment your phone lights up with a text from them you go from sad to happy again. You are at their beck and call both emotionally and physically. It becomes a cycle of emotional turmoil, and these highs and lows do significant damage to our mental health.

When our emotions are in the hands of someone else, it makes us extremely vulnerable. In one of my previous relationships, I ignored this sign and my vulnerability eventually became a platform for severe emotional abuse.

6. You are filled with anxiety.

You feel uneasy calling or texting them because you feel like you are annoying. If you get anxious about what they are doing or who they are with, it means their lack of effort is making you mentally drained. You have sleepless nights, always looking at your phone to see if they messaged you, and if they haven’t, you are filled with anxiety.

It’s not to say that you should never be anxious, but when these extreme feelings are consistent, it’s a bad sign. Anxiety is a serious mental health condition that should not be dismissed or ignored.

7. You send the “novel text” too often.

The “novel text” is something we all do, but hate to admit. You know what I am talking about—it’s drafted and edited in your “Notes app.” It’s the breaking point text where you say, “I’m done,” when really you are not. It’s confronting your emotional battle in hopes they will understand and change how they act toward you. It represents this emotional conflict you find yourself in more often than not. You feel the constant need to explain yourself.

The “novel text” is okay in some situations that call for it, but when this happens all the time, and precisely when you are intoxicated, it’s an unhealthy behavior, which leads into the next sign.

8. You regularly drunk text or call them.

Yup, we have all been there! Drunk texting used to be a hobby of mine, but I realized it only made me feel bad about myself. Alcohol emphasizes our feelings and gives us a false sense of confidence which leads to us calling five times in a row or sending 15 text messages. It’s a bad sign when the only time you feel comfortable calling the person you are dating is when you are intoxicated. It’s the next day that our mental health takes a hit. “I’m so stupid,” or “Why did I do that!”

Most of the time, when we send a drunk text, we regret it the next day, and this makes us feel even more insecure in our relationship.

9. You feel the need to entertain them when you are together.

Dating is fun, and it’s okay to get dressed up when you are with someone, but you shouldn’t feel like you always have to put on a show on for them. It includes everything from the way you appear, where you go, what you talk about and how you eat at dinner. This is a sign that you don’t feel like your authentic self is good enough.

You should not feel the need to entertain someone’s idea of you. Be who you are, because you are amazing!

10. You are disconnected from your friends.

When we are in a relationship, our friendships take a back seat, especially in the beginning—which is reasonable to an extent—but when you stop responding to your friends’ texts, calls, or do not meet them out at all, you may be depressed.

Isolation is a symptom of depression. A mentally unsound relationship makes us withdraw from our friends and isolate ourselves. You’ve become so consumed in your emotions that you have little energy to give to the other people in your life.

11. You use social media to get their attention.

You use social media, whether it be a Facebook post, Snapchat, or Instagram story to get their attention in some way. Social media platforms give us the opportunity to be seen when we aren’t being seen. You haven’t heard from them, or you saw a post on their feed that made you upset, so you pull for a reaction through social media.

In our minds, we think we are making a statement, but in reality, we are just digging ourselves into a deeper, insecure hole.

12. You feel unattractive.

When one person’s actions or lack thereof becomes the opinion of how you perceive yourself, it’s a sign that this relationship is affecting your mental health—majorly. Their lack of attention makes you feel unattractive. You think there is something wrong with you because they are not as invested as you are.

We are all insecure, but the person we are dating should make us feel good about ourselves, in terms of our appearance and personality.

Do not linger on with anyone who is affecting your mental health in hopes that they will change. Take a step back, reconnect with yourself, and be with someone that makes love a little less complicated.

And remember these four things about love: Love is not suffering. Love is not an obsession. Love is not insecure. Love is not always in question.

~