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One of the most difficult things about living in our chaotic world is figuring out how to live beyond fear, doubt, and separation.
How to remain loving and compassionate with our hearts open, even when it seems as if loneliness, illness, divorce, job loss, addictions, and even death have been a part of all of our lives. Feeling broken, depressed, anxious, lost, bored, rejected, not good enough, or even as we have failed in some way are all incredible opportunities.
If you are alive, you have been broken in some way.
Some of us have been shattered, and the process of putting ourselves back together feels like walking up a mountain covered with ice. We finally figure out a way to move forward only to slide back down, losing our momentum. Others have been split in two or more pieces. Some of us, slightly cracked.
Whether we need glue, cement, or additional tools to help us mend is not important. Becoming whole requires the same process, whether you have been shattered or slightly cracked.
Like Humpty Dumpty, we know we have all fallen off the wall, but do not know how to put ourselves back together.
Fixing ourselves in the broken places is the most difficult task we may take on in life. It means we begin to peel back the layers, dispelling the lies we so often tell ourselves: “I cannot change,” or “I’m fine, really.” It means we resist the urge to convince everyone that we are doing well (while perhaps fooling nobody). It means we stop running, distracting, and using substances like drugs, food, alcohol, and the internet. We understand we need not be a slave to our negative thoughts, or even self-imposed optimism.
These are all simply defenses, coping mechanisms that have created a false self in order to get up after our fall, or even just to survive in our world today.
But there is a far simpler way.
And that is to feel—to get out of our heads and move into our hearts.
Living from our hearts is no easy task, but it’s the most important ingredient to living a life of peace, joy, and love, no matter what happens to us. If splintering off, cracking, or losing pieces of ourselves has left us broken, feeling through our hearts puts us on the path back to wholeness. Yet it is feeling the darkest of feelings, those we avoid on a regular basis, that is the key to putting ourselves back together again.
Becoming whole is a process, one that takes courage, commitment, and effort. Yet the rewards are enormous.
It is often a journey that requires tools to lead us back to our hearts. The pathway involves becoming aware, releasing judgment, admitting the truth, finding support, and lastly feeling those hidden feelings of anger, loneliness, fear, doubt, and grief.
Becoming Aware
There is a voice, a watcher, an observer in each one of us. This is our higher self, our consciousness, and intuition, and we all need to be able to tap into our higher selves. In order to do so, we need to begin watching our thoughts and actions. We need to become curious. Why would I react in that way? What does this situation or person remind me of? We need to become aware of our critical thoughts and where they come from. We need to learn how we think, and how we avoid feeling the hard stuff.
Release Judgment
We are all beautiful human beings who are prone to making mistakes. That is how we learn. Judging these mistakes keeps us broken. We need to find compassion for ourselves so that we can heal or mend. Having judgment for what has happened to us or something we have done to another keeps us stuck. If we release judgment, we can free ourselves to speak the truth of our brokenness. Releasing judgment requires moving beyond our minds and releasing those critical thoughts.
Admitting the Truth
Opening up to what has been our experience, or even what we are feeling in any given moment, helps us heal. We need to admit the truth to ourselves that we have fallen off the wall. If we have been pushed, we need to accept the pain another has inflicted upon us. If we have jumped, we need to understand why. Pretending, denial, lying, and covering up what has happened and how this has made us feel keeps us broken, lying next to the wall, and unable to get up.
Support
Sharing with another how we have become broken helps to release not only our shame about falling, but what we have done to hide the fact that we feel broken. Shame survives in darkness and silence. One who has been shattered may need someone at the top of a mountain with a rope helping us climb the icy, jagged edges. Others, who do not need to climb a mountain, can find relief in journaling, walking, and healing in solace.
Get Ready to Feel
Opening our heart to powerful feelings is the ultimate piece in becoming whole. Feeling what we have stuffed down and run from is not easy. There is a reason that we have not fully felt these feelings—they are painful. But the secret remains in knowing that what is painful is the resistance to these feelings. Feeling our shame, deep grief, and rage feels beautiful. Running, stuffing, distracting, and avoiding is what is painful.
These steps are not linear, but circular, and we must go back to them time and again. With each step backward, or new insight, we must remember to continue observing, releasing judgment, admitting the truth, and finding support.
What would Humpty Dumpty look like if he’d taken on the task of becoming whole?
He would have paid more attention to his thoughts, feelings, and actions. He would have shared his experience of falling off the wall in a journal or a trusted friend or support group. He would have consistently resisted the urge to pour himself a drink to distract himself. He would have released judgment and blame about all of the king’s horses and men who could not help him for he had to learn that he had to help himself. It was never their job to put him back together. And he would have continued asking himself as much as possible, what am I feeling?
Why would Humpty Dumpty or any of us undertake such an arduous task of putting our self back together, becoming whole?
We do it because it is why we are here—to evolve, heal, and change.
Healing and soul growth is the purpose of life, no matter what our outside looks like—our marriages, jobs, parenting, or how we spend our leisure time is simply an opportunity to evolve and become whole. We do it because it leads us down the path of connection, unconditional love, joy, and a life of unlimited possibilities.
We all deserve to find our way back to wholeness. The secret is that our souls are always whole, no matter our experiences here in life. They are just hidden underneath layers, and falling off the wall has given us the opportunity to uncover our hearts through pain, adversity, and remembering how to feel.
If Humpty Dumpty knew that everyone falls off the wall and that he was not beyond repair, he would have been able to take the steps to put himself back together again. And then he would have uncovered the secret that he was never actually broken because he fell off the wall. In truth, falling off the wall was the best thing that ever happened to him.
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