The dark night is a time to sit in stillness and address what is happening in our head space. The chaos of thoughts, memories, worries, fears, projections, like a tornado spiral quickly within the void we see when we close our eyes. If we allow ourselves time to be spun around in the unruliness often, if we practice meditation with a connection to the Third Eye, we begin to see varying shades of gray. There are a ton of them. I know this because I spent too long standing at the wall of paint colors, staring, perplexed, by the array of choices. I finally gave way to the paranoia building from being out in public, where people didn’t seem as concerned with social distancing as I am, so I went with a gray that had a slight hint of blue. It’s my go to color, I find it calming. Upon leaving the store, I was uncertain of my choice. Was it going to match what I had foreseen in my head? Something that would normally drive me into overthinking and distress, but in the midst of a global pandemic, like who freaking cares if it isn’t the right choice, it’s a paint color for f#$% sake! But once it was spread over the four walls of my spare room, I was graciously pleased with my choice. It seems that the splash of blue made the grayscale more interesting and satisfied my cranky inner critic. The detail the hue lent to the gray is much like the astrological map in the sky bringing specific energies to our existence, to our emotions, and makes them more compelling. Not to say that the starry sky, even in the absence of the moon, is at all ordinary. On any given night I find it quite extraordinary. As is the blank screen I see, when I first close my eyes. Because with patience and practice the black will shift into grays, and then some colors might swirl through, and then maybe images, feelings, emotions, or even peoples faces and memories surface from the abyss. There’s an endless spectrum of what can arise in the mind when we have the courage to sit in stillness with breath and presence, as the witness. 

I am drawn to the moon, her gravitational force pulls me in, providing clarity to my emotional reactivity. Aligning with her journey, she’s my guide through the storms. Lighting the pathway of my Soul’s evolution one month at a time. She joins the Sun this New Moon in Taurus amplifying the astrological characteristics of The Bull. Governed by Earth herself, reminding us we are always supported and protected. Even in the midst of this global pandemic, she is thriving and breathing more peacefully as we are driven inside to sit with our grief. Covid-19 attacks only the lungs and the lungs can represent unresolved grief. She’s been grieving for a long time, and now each and every one of us will as well, to some degree. We may be “all in this together”, but we are not all in the same boat, just the same storm. What is the source of your grief? Was it here before Corona? Are you mourning the loss of a loved one? A job? Your freedom? The death of tens of thousands of strangers who lost their battle? We are not in the same boat, just the same storm, and I am so grateful to be in a dingy with my girls, barely staying afloat. Wave after wave crashing over the bow threatening to capsize us. I find peace still. There are far worse circumstances, some people don’t even have a boat. And far too many couldn’t stay afloat! I know I’m privileged. 

Taurus teaches that in any chaos, there is always a place within us that is still and at peace. That underneath all the things that are blowing up like Fourth of July firecrackers in our mind, in every moment, we can enjoy the show. If we watch them, one by one, even if painful and uncomfortable, they lead to peace. Acknowledge and admire their beauty, but also appreciate the pause of the in-between. For the goal of meditation is not to stop the thoughts, but to enjoy the space between them. That is where we hear the wisdom of our higher self, where we meet the divine within. We find these pauses in active life as well. They show up in simple ways. Like today I had a sweet cuddle session with my dog who was shivering in the back of my closet afraid from the tumultuous thunder and hail crashing to the ground all around us. In the fear we were calm together. Or when my teenage daughter thanked me for the meal I had struggled to make, appreciated, I felt content. It is in contentment we find balance. Not a high or a low, but another shade of gray somewhere in the middle. 

Taurus helps us tap into our craft to see that getting engulfed in our flow can bring us to a calm state, even if the creative process is intense. Now more than ever we can get stuck in the mental loop of all the “what-ifs” which will only block us from finding our inner peacefulness. When the mind is quiet we will feel secure and stable in stillness. And that is what is really the underlying concerns of our grief and anxiety. We yearn for stability and support, let us not forget we can always find it with bare feet on top soil. So dig those tootsies into the dirt and ground your energy into Mother. So much is unknown right now, uncertainty drives fear, and prolonged fear creates anxiety. As devastating as this time is, we need to tap into the high vibrations of Taurus and know who we are at our core, to rely on our strengths, supportive partnerships and not succumb to the distractions around us, or the habits that help us escape. We can instead feel the Earth beneath us, the life force pulsating though us, and recenter ourselves so we can show up as our best selves for each other. For I believe when we do, it is the first step to changing the world. Resist the urge to check out or zone out to mindless scrolling. Instead dive into the dark space of your mind, into the endless shades of gray. We are surely in survival mode and it is exhausting. But there are healthier and more beneficial ways to rest and recuperate. Meditation, restorative yoga, journaling, and spending time in nature (social distancing of course!) will get you rooted in stillness, anchored in the breath, present in the moment. That is where we build stability and tend to the seeds or our creativity, working independently, together, for the greater good. Set your intentions from dreaming of how you wish to see the change come about when sheltering-in is lifted. It may look like the future is as scary as taking part in the running of the bulls, face that fear, feel your grief, and channel this cosmic energy to grab The Bull by the horns. Jump on its bare back and hold tight, for it’s going to be a long and turbulent ride. Know you are not alone. You are held in the sweet caress of the Sun, Moon, and Gaia. You are loved. We are all connected riding through the storm together. We are all of one energetic consciousness, don’t fear the internal void, it’s your ticket to freedom.  

Photo credit: Photo by faaiq ackmerd