A few years ago my wife and I became friends with a couple we met through our boys being in the same class at school. The man in the couple was a tiler and my wife mentioned that she would love to get our bathroom renovated and a bath put in. His eyes lit up and said he’d love to do it. The tiles were Salmon and horrendous! He promised us he would keep the price down and do it for mates rates. I know I know I can hear you say “Never mix friends and money” but we went ahead with it anyway! He was always at school pick up And never seemed to work past 3pm. Red flags all round. But the biggest red flag of all was on the day he was supposed to start he went to the movies with his wife instead of doing anything. We still went ahead with it And it ended exactly how you think.

But that’s not my main point of this piece. The tiler messaged us one night and said that a major hardware retailer had a cheap shower screen that he needed to install. So I had to take out two car seats out of the car…and find the mountain of crumbs and lost toys. If your kid loses a toy in the car…check under a car seat! I get to the afformentioned massive hardware store whose specialty is a sausage in bread. I make my way to the bathroom accessories aisle. There is one of the shower screens I want to purchase set up. I searched the aisle and found the one I was looking for. I stood the box up and it towered over me…im not tiny. I dragged it to my trolley and it was far too long. So I set off to find an employee to help.

I found a young lad sitting at the custom kitchens desk scrolling through his socials. “Hey mate could you get me a big trolley for a shower screen I want?” He didn’t look up. “That’s not my department.” More scrolling. “Well whose department is it?” I asked. “Ricky’s.” He. Still. Didn’t. Look. Up! “Ok so where’s Ricky?” I asked still being civil. One hand reluctantly removed it self from the black rectangle of entertainment and wisdom and pointed to the other end of the expansive hardware emporium. “He went that way…but he went for a break.” He said again eyes glued to things way more important than me and my stupid shower screen. I look in that direction. I see no Ricky. Not even something Ricky shaped. I turn back to the guy. “Should I just wait here then?” I say. “Yeah whatever ya want mate.” He replies with finality. This is why we are going to be taken over by the machines on Judgement Day. It’s a real shame I didn’t get his name. I would have complained. Exhausted from the less than zero help from the human who served his purpose as a phone holder. I walked back to my shower screen and I saw a couple looking at the set up one. Panic set in. I can’t come home without a bloody screen. So Ricky or no Ricky I grabbed the shower screen and put it on my right foot and kinda of limp walked it out of the aisle and towards the checkout. A red shirt clad employee stopped me and said “Mate I think you need a trolley.” I was in shock because this one didn’t have his face in his phone. I put the shower screen down and said “Ok mate you want to get me one please?” He shook his head and said “Oh i can’t…im…im busy.” I picked up the screen and limped off down the aisle. I rounded the corner and the checkout was in sight,like an oasis in the desert. I made my way past the Tool shop and another red shirt said to me ” You look like you need a trolley love.” I take the screen off of my foot and I say ” Would you like to get me one?” She looked at me like I was a pineapple. “Oh no I can’t leave the Tool Shop.” I knew she was going to say that! I sighed. I put old mate shower screen on foot again and said ” You know what I’ll just do it my self!” And off I went to the land of the checkout. That was second worst customer service I had ever experienced.

The worst customer service I’ve ever seen was from the tiler we used! Think of a sloth in a shirt who didn’t realise my wife had a standard she wanted that he wasn’t willing to provide.  I guess Mates Rates wasn’t just money but effort too. As I said before it ended with us not being friends anymore and multiple insulting negative messages from his wife. They even unfriended us on Facebook. That’s how you know it was bad! So we learned our lesson about not mixing friends and money. And if you go to a ginormous hardware store on a cold dark August night you might find the elusive Ricky wandering the aisles on his way to have a coffee.