Mothers, are you always stressed and overwhelmed? Too often falling short of the “good” parent status you are trying to live up to? Then the guilt comes up when you can’t quite fill everyone’s needs. You wonder – How can I get off this rollercoaster of playing catch up and then feeling bad about never catching up? We’ve heard over and over that self-care is the answer, that we must tend to our own wellbeing first. Well, I say we are doing it wrong!

Let’s Try Self-Love

We need to find more meaningful self-care, emotional self-care, deep self-care. We need self-love. Love is a big word. Some of us don’t know what that really looks like or truly feels like. It is NOT a fleeting feeling of happiness from doing something nice for yourself. It IS a deep, long-lasting feeling of worthiness, self-trust, self-respect and self-compassion practiced all day, every day. When you get good at this, life challenges are easier, lighter. You can soar through your day regardless of the stressful circumstances. You can prioritize the important stuff and truly let the other stuff go, without guilt!

Some old beliefs will come up telling you to work harder, you don’t deserve a carefree life, you will let people down or you will be judged as a bad mom for taking too much time for yourself. This is old programming from family, society and media that does not serve us anymore. I don’t think it every did! Changing your beliefs takes daily awareness and the willingness to develop new habits. Little by little you will create a new life for yourself, full of ease, gratitude and joy!

Your Children Will Thank You

As a bonus, you will be modeling self-love for your children. They will not learn it any other way. Mothers cannot raise children with more self-worth or self-love than they have for themselves. The following list by Brené Brown is what’s possible for your family when you embark on a course of self-love instead of self-care. All the things you want for your children you must want for yourself too. Your children will have the chance to grow up feeling worthy of love, emotionally supported and free to be their true selves. And you will grow right along with them!

Brené Brown says it best, with the research to back it up!

“The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

• Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable.
• You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
• I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.
• You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
• We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.
• We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance.
• Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.
• You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
• I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.
• I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.
• When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.
• Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
• We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.
• As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.
• I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me[…]”

Excerpt From Daring Greatly, Brené Brown

https://books.apple.com/us/book/daring-greatly/id512395427

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Family Love

Imagine living in a family where every member commits to practicing these ways of being! And holds each other accountable, with love and acceptance. Imagine the feeling of emotional safety and belonging even when you mess up. I hope you are feeling ease in your belly, openness in your heart and the possibility that you can create this environment in your home.