I Thought I Couldn’t Let Go.

My love, you remind me that having wounds and tender spots does not make me broken.

You remind me that I am powerful when tears rain from my eyes.

You remind me of the strength I forget about when self-doubt spills like ink and I feel utterly overwhelmed by every damn thing.

You remind me that life can be hard, yes, but I am resilient.

I am not taken over by the struggles.

Like a root

I take hold

Ferment in the ache

Then I spread and grow

I bloom

Nothing can stop that.

I have experienced trauma, I have seen abuse, I have tasted terror—

But that is not the most interesting thing about me.

There is a fire inside that will never go out, and you remind me that my warmth reaches the surface, even on days when I cannot see it or feel it—you can.

So here are some interesting things about me:

Being surrounded by tall pine trees feels like home. The wind speaks to me. Walking in the woods is the closest thing I’ve felt to divinity.

I make art, every freakin’ chance I get.

I love all things romantic—scrolling through Pinterest feeds me in some strange way as I make boards of draped, gauzy fabrics, grapes, wildflowers, and people embracing each other.

I love black and white photos.

I love witchy music and grungy 90s rock.

I love dancing alone in the kitchen, shaking my hips (they don’t lie), and pretending I’m Shakira.

I love talking to people, but mostly, I love listening. I adore caring for others.

A firm breeze dances through my hair, tears sting.

I let go, in a way I thought I couldn’t.

And, in reality, it is not about becoming perfect or 100 percent healed.

It is about seeing that even with the wounds that do remain, I am not broken. My spirit still soars. I am worthy of love,  just as I am right now. I deserve to enjoy life…we all do.

So to all the ones out there who ache and struggle, there’s something I want to say—our pain is not the most interesting thing about us.

Yes, it may make us wiser. But love can do that too. Gentleness and nurturing can do that too.

We deserve relief and wide-open expanses that sprawl like meadows through the countryside.

We deserve to play, bask in warm streams of sunlight, and gasp with wonder as tiny snowflakes shine in the air .

We deserve to be cared for—to be seen and held.

Our pain is not the most interesting thing about us.

It feels so good to say that.

A firm breeze dances through my hair, tears sting. 

I let go, in a way I thought I couldn’t.

It’s simple.

I don’t have to be haunted by the past. Those ghosts don’t need to darken the dawn of each day—I am meant to move forward. Glistening highways and budding lilac possibilities beckon. My feet follow.

The adventures to come might be messy, but I want to welcome them.

These swirling thoughts bring me back to this moment right here, as you hold me in your arms.

My love, you look at me and tell me that you love me exactly as I am. To see that I actually don’t need to change a million things about myself—well, that is more healing than anything.

Thank you. What a spectacular gem you are.

For once, I am speechless. Words evaporate and breathing becomes everything.

Fresh, new air.

My lungs open

To take life in.

How does this feel?

I feel alive.

I feel like…

We all deserve a fresh start.

We all deserve to heal.

~