With a weekend to-do list longer than my arm, I turned in early on Friday night. Outside it was only “blue dark,” as opposed to “dark dark”—a complaint my grandsons often make at bedtime. The weather all week had been perfect for working outside—sunny and clear—but the hot afternoons slowed me down. To avoid the afternoon heat, my plan was to head out the door to purchase the rest of the lawn and garden supplies I needed, just before sunrise, Saturday morning.

Saturday morning’s gray, cloudy sky had other plans. Sunrise came and went.

I jolted awake, as though someone had flipped a switch. Certain it was much later than sunrise, I laid there staring at the ceiling for a moment, engulfed by the sense of dead washing over me. Slowly I pulled my blanket off, sliding Fuzzball and Dylan- two of my three cats- out of my line of sight. Hesitantly, I glanced at my clock.

9:15!

I bounded out of the bed, threw on my garden clothes, and rushed my Beagle pup Carlin outside for his morning potty. After returning him to his bed, I took off for the local garden center.

Thankfully, my hometown is small. The number of shopping venues is limited, and everything is near by. Ten minutes after leaving home, my car was parked at the garden center and I was already inside. I quickly grabbed what I needed and checked out in record time.

The temperature outside was unseasonably cool. I quickly scanned the parking lot for traffic as I trotted down the row towards my old Subi Outback. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a car at the far end of the parking lot. My heart skipped a beat when the car turned down the row I was in and slowly proceeded towards me.

Every muscle in my body stiffened. My thoughts raced as my panicked mind fought the urge to run. Rigid with fear, for a half second I was frozen in place. My face flushed redhot and tears started to well up in my eyes as I forced my body to keep moving forward. Eyes focused firmly on the pavement, I willed my legs- which suddenly felt heavy and foreign to me- to work. After what felt like hour, I crossed the fifteen feet to my car. Tears were streaming down my face and I felt as if the entire parking lot was shaking. Frantically I alternated between running my shaking hands through my hair and tossing my purchases into the hatch.

I left my cart in the parking lot behind my car. I can’t stand when people do that. Safe at last, I slumped into the driver’s seat-locking the doors behind me-and crumbled. Shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.