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If you’re caught in the “if only, then” cycle and it’s making you miserable, here’s what you can do about it.

If only I had a bigger house, then I’d be happy.

If only I had more money, then I’d be happy.

If only it were quieter around here, then I’d be happy.

If only I could find love, then I’d be happy.

If only COVID-19 disappeared, then I’d be happy.

If you’re tormented with thoughts of “if only, then,” it’s normal. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side and it’s good to aim higher. My personal “if only, then” dreams were my catalyst for becoming a heart-centered educator, award-winning author of motivational books, founder and intuitive life coach for the Facebook community, “Shift of Heart: Paths to Healing and Love,” motivational speaker, “peace through music” musician, and a consciousness-raising activist.

Despite self-doubts, wounded inner child issues, anxieties, fears, shyness and insecurities, I did my “if only, then” anyway.

I teach what I need to keep learning and am a work in process and progress. We are each other’s mentors without even knowing it, and striving for more, different, better, and higher can give us new goals, renewed passion, never-ending curiosity, positive challenges, and a mega-dose of hope. 

When isn’t it healthy to think “if only, then?” When it over-defines you, negatively colors your potential for happiness, and when it rules your life every minute of every day.

Even if I hadn’t accomplished any of the careers and interests I shared with you, I would like to think that I would have found a way to still feel moments of optimism, possibility, joy, contentment, and happiness, no matter what.

If you’re caught in the web of the “if only, then” syndrome and intense dissatisfaction activates feelings of failure, depression, discontent, misery, and unhappiness, it may be time to look within and check in on yourself.

>> Can you find a way to be happy and grateful for something in your life—anything—and at the same time, still be a seeker and doer of higher goals and dreams?

>> Is there a way for you to still feel okay about yourself even if your “if only, then” doesn’t come true right way?

>> Can you take introspective time in your day to acknowledge what you have accomplished personally and professionally?

>> Is there a way for you to take actions steps toward your goals, and while you are in the space dangling between the two trapeze rings, still breathe in a sense of gratefulness just for being and breathing?

>> Can the countless miracles of nature soothe your soul and bring you joy and wonder?

>> Can you invite playfulness, humor, and lightness into your life and shift your energy to a higher vibration?

>> If life feels disappointing, can you still believe in yourself and have faith in the mystical magic of the universe?

>> Can you bet on your blossoming potential and keep the art of possibility in your mind and heart?

When I think of the refugees from Ukraine who had a home and now have none, it is a wake-up call that feeds my restless soul with new perspective.

Lately, I find my “if only, then” moments humbled by anyone who has had to deal with impossible obstacles, and yet despite everything, they are on this earth still dreaming of their own modified “if only, then,” grateful to be simply alive.