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I’m learning so much about rest, especially when I avoid it.

Without sufficient rest and alone time, I notice how quickly my body and mind climb into an old, negative pattern that has held me and my mind prisoner so many times before.

I am the type of person who always needed to “go, go, go.” It’s how I’ve gotten sh*t done. I genuinely like to stay productive, and I like to stay organized and on top of things…the Capricorn in me, am I right?

But here’s the kicker: somewhere over the years, I’ve connected my “worth” to my productivity.

How silly is that? To connect my worth as a human being with how productive I can be.

No one is harder on me than me. It’s a cold hard fact. And for whatever reason, I just thought that by being a “perfect person” and maintaining a “perfect house” meant that I was successful and that I could not fail. I’m finding out really quickly that this thought process has given me the opportunity to learn failure. It’s the thought process that kept me small and within a box of a box. Worst of all, it kept me from believing in myself.

One morning, I woke up and said, “Nope, no more. This is not working for me. I’m done.” Because really, no one is perfect. Life is made up on screens and everyone’s life is lead and lived differently. Not one of us is better than the other because we have formulated the perfect rectangles with our throw blankets. I am not a perfect person, and I will no longer expect my home to be perfect as well.

I no longer give power to my ego to drive me. I no longer give power to the thought process that has kept me small. Being on the go, go, go doesn’t make me any better of a human.

I make me a better human.

I’m learning to rest, and I’m learning to find balance in my productivity. If I wake up and feel like leaving the dishes in the sink, I do. I no longer tell myself I’m a failure because there are dishes in the sink. If I wake up and feel like laying in bed longer than I “should,” then that’s okay.

I’m not any less of a human because I’m not starting my day right away.

Every single day is different, and I no longer expect myself to show up as a perfect person.

I’m just showing up.

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