The path forward requires us to fully commit ourselves to the constant cultivation of emotional intelligence. And this isn’t even a little bit dramatic; our whole happy lives depend on it.

We’ve missed the mark when deciphering appropriateness for relationship. I am now fully and completely convinced that emotional intelligence is the single shining centerpiece of each and every healthy relationship. In fact, after the year (or decade) I’ve had, I am one hundred percent satisfied that we’ve collectively landed in an aggressive fog that has forced us to accept a complete absence of emotional intelligence and call it ‘good enough’. I want to talk about what happens to our health, dreams, and general well-being when we say ‘good enough’, when in fact, it is not good at all.

We lower the bar for EI in our partner, friends, colleagues, etc. once we’ve already done so for ourselves. It is true that we’ll only accept from others what we are already internally accepting. It should absolutely scare us when our partner or friends refuse to take accountability for their emotional reactions, particularly when they are projected and subsequently, abuse adjacent. This is a great time to remind you that folks who refuse to actively take accountability for their emotional state in our presence are simply using us. In this space, we are called (or forced) to become an emotional ‘dumping ground’ for those closest to us. This, of course, is not going to service your wellness journey in any real way and will require prompt, candid edits.

The standard for emotional intelligence has generally increased in recent years and with a refreshed idea of how this relates to our mental health, we are encouraged to leave excuses behind and take pride in our ability to control our reactions to internal and external triggers. If we are not currently able to control our emotional reactions and relevant behaviours, we are then in a dire position to seek health supports to facilitate that growth.

Beyond the issue of cultivating a healthy degree of emotional intelligence comes the dance of integration and expression. By all means, having an adequate helping of EI is beneficial in countless ways and research continues to demonstrate the positive impact on our lives. Internalizing our growing reserve of EI will allow us space to monitor our responses to life’s threats and challenges in an amazing way. However, in order to confidently express our newfound EI wins we will be required to face yet another discomfort. The integration of EI will prompt us to hold those around us accountable or at the very least, require us to speak truth rooted in EI. How the truth lands or what happens after is not entirely our business and certainly beyond the scope of this piece.

An increase in EI will demand a new level of courage from us. The call to stand behind our emotional capacity in a way that shifts away from a victim narrative that serves no one involved. In the event of recognizing a lack of emotional accountability, we are given an option to prompt those we want to support to identify where they are being called to grow emotionally. If we find ourselves validating the victim narrative of others, it safe to say that we’re currently doing the same for ourselves. Allowing others to falsely accuse external circumstances for the way they feel and subsequently behave is a disservice to our collective growth as a mindful society. You just gotta be able to gently say that.