Hello, my lovely fabulous lovelies; I have completed a naughty list for you to (ahem) casually share with your lovers, boyfriends, and husbands to let them know, what really turns us on, and what we want in bed. It’s imperative to have optimum communication; come on, we all want a good time, right?

1. Make some noise

I get so turned on when my lover makes some noise. This is different if your kids are in the next room, or worse, your in-laws, but nothing gets me hotter than my man enjoying himself and being vocal about it. His moans and cries and “Yes, yes, oh baby, yes,” whimpers are just the thing to take me over the edge. Don’t be afraid to talk dirty to us; the dirtier, the better. Please tell us what you’re going to do to us; moan as loud as you want. Hey, you can even growl if you want.

Why? First, knowing that we are making you feel hot is a turn-on for us. It tells us that he is enjoying our delicious body, which is an aphrodisiac. It also makes us want to do more naughty things to him. This one is crucial to me; no one likes a dud in the bedroom.

Also, my dear men, don’t be afraid to ask if we like this. “Does this feel good?” Do you like it harder, faster, slower, etc.? Being openly communicative is crucial for good sex, especially if you want a next time—wink wink.

2. This is not a race; puh-lease don’t rush foreplay.

There is nothing worse, guys, than a 2-minute kiss, followed by a quick suck on the boob, and wham bam, thank you, ma’am. Short quickies are fun and needed from time to time, but this should not be every day. Men, not only do you need to take your time on this one, but you also should enjoy it. It has to turn you on as well. You may want to check your relationship at the door if it doesn’t. Penetration is the final act, and you will get there, so in the meantime, take pleasure in the teasing, nibbling, sucking, caressing, and licking. When the time has come to do the deed, calm the fuck down, and don’t do the crazy pumping in and out motion. Take your time and move your hips, pretend your Patrick Swayze and do your best performance of Dirty Dancing.

Some key erogenous zones: Feet, toes, under the armpit, behind the knees, the ears, and the neck… ahh love the neck. Even the perineum feels good. You can try some gentle biting too, but remember to ask her if this is ok. Some girls are more sensitive than others in this area. Remember, we need to be warmed up mentally, so please start slowly revving up our engines before you take us for a ride. Wooohooooo.

3. You better be going down there, or this ends here.

If this is off-limits and you don’t enjoy oral sex, you can get off the train now. There won’t even be a second time. Oral sex is a must if you want to get your lady off. Sometimes I tease my guy and say, “You want the paper with that?” because he can do it all day long with his morning coffee. Most women can not climax from just vaginal penetration. 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Keep that in mind. It’s also the most sensitive part of our bodies, and our glans alone have over 8,000 nerve endings. So our clitoris has more nerve endings than our vulva. Now every woman is different; this is when you need to be vocal again and ask her what feels good. Don’t ever feel bad if she starts playing with herself while you are going down on her; that’s a good sign that she’s enjoying her body and you. Again tell her how good she tastes, that you love making her come, tease her clitoris, use your hands while you kiss her breasts, explore her body and tell her she is beautiful.

One last thing to remember is, when in doubt, just ask. Honesty is the key to unlocking your partner’s wishes and desires. Now go and have some fun x