Hello you, I hope you have some time to read this letter. I know you have been busy surviving in the last few years, so I will pray that you find a few moments to rest and stay with me because Today I decided to write to you. Could you please bring your coffee and give me your attention what I want to say matters for me and for you so give me a few moments of your time.

Every time I see your old pictures, I feel pain because I miss this girl, I miss your radiant smile, your energy, I miss your soul. And I can’t forgive myself for losing you even though it was out of my hand. Every time I look in the mirror I cannot recognize this person staring at me. This stranger feels like a ghost, I can’t hear her voice or define how she looks. Have been trying to connect with her but no luck so far. From time to time I hear the voices inside my head screaming out loud. They scream to the point that makes me shiver. Yesterday when I had a panic attack I kept telling myself that all these thoughts are nothing but lies, they will fade away when the sun shines. I kept telling myself that I will be better and I will go for a walk first thing in the morning so these voices get tired and sleep. I wonder if I go to therapy would they leave me alone, and I may have a chance to feel free and safe? When I start to panic, the first thing I feel is that I’m cold and too fragile, too weak to the point that I might shatter into pieces. I feel desperate for safety, that’s why I kept calling my friends in the middle of the night. I was looking for someone I trust who would make me feel better.

Dear self, I know that you did your best, I’m not here to blame you. I just want to tell you if you still have your old voice, could you please use it? I miss this voice so much to the point that I cry every night trying to find it. If only you could gather your strength. Please tell me that it’s not too late, please say that we still have time and millions of chances to feel happy and be ourselves.

Okay, I know you are busy so I will let you go take care of your business and your family, but don’t forget me here in the land of your imagination. Remember that this is the place where you thrive, so don’t be stuck in your reality as our land is far bigger and better. Till I have a chance to be with you a gain I love you.