Everyone knows her. Ugh, Karen. The over privileged, middle aged white woman who lives in the suburbs, drives an SUV and considers going “out of the country,” Cozumel.

Don’t be like her. Here’s 8 ways to not be foreseen as a Karen.

1. Tip Well. Every server knows you when you walk in the door. Here we go, sauce on the side, ½ soup and salad, no cheese, soup not too hot, Karen. Thanks for the dollar tip! You know I make minimum wage right? Oh, I could get a better job? Then who’s going to serve you your lukewarm chicken wild rice soup with no chicken then, Karen? Overtip. Just do it.
2. Don’t whisper. Kelsey’s got a black eye. Maybe she got in a fight at a PTA Meeting defending her kid? Maybe she slipped on the ice, because like many people she has to park on the street in the middle of a Minnesota winter, or maybe her piece of shit boyfriend hit her. Don’t make assumptions. The only commentary you should have is politely ask her if she feels safe in a friendly unassuming manner.
3. Keep your christen trump loving views to yourself. YOU ARE NOT THE MAJORITY. It’s a big world out there and a lot of real problems. So you heard Janet’s daughter’s friend is having an abortion. How could she!! Well Lindsey is 19, has multiple health issues from asbestos poisoning acquired from the house she grew up in. She also has no health insurance so paying for medication out of pocket on the salary of a front desk receptionist at a salon isn’t ideal. She dated the father for awhile but he’s recently moved to Chicago and she doesn’t even know how to get a hold of him. NO ONE WANTS TO BE THAT BABY KAREN. It would be selfish to bring that child into the world. Let’s take care of Lindsey first.
4. Don’t judge. Encourage. Kyle’s not going to college. Yeah yeah, you wanted him to be a lawyer. Guess what, the world doesn’t need more lawyers. Listen to Kyles argument about the demand for underwater welders is through the roof. Someone’s gotta build those bridges so you can get to church, right? Oh, he’s buying that crypto currency! Call the police! Settle down Karen, we know you don’t understand it. I don’t really either but it’s his money thousands of people got very rich trading crypto. I suggest you dabble in a little crypto yourself. Head to the dark side and expand your Disney and Johnson & Johnson stock a bit.
5. DON’T DEMAND THINGS. No one owes you anything. You don’t like your barista. She doesn’t like you either. Let’s hold off demanding to speak to the manager because Alicia forgot your extra shot of espresso. Treat any store employees with respect. And come on, Amy works part time at TJ MAX and has no idea when fall pumpkin pillows will be available. She makes $12 an hour and getting her masters in phycology. Eventually she’ll overcharge your therapy sessions where you complain about how all your kids are moved out and your husband doesn’t “pay any attention to you.” Also, you think they’re understaffed? They’re hiring. Consider applying. The whole workforce is understaffed.
6. Drive better. You suck at driving. We all know you, the maroon SUV going exactly 55 Mph. Stay in the suburbs or get aggressive. The rest of the world has places to be.
7. Donate. I hate to stereotype but… you have money don’t you? It’s nice to buy raffle tickets from the grandkids but look around the community. Volunteer at a women’s shelter or ½ way house. YOU ARE PRIVELEGED. That homeless guy you pass on the road is a drug addict. He hates his life so much that he want’s nothing more to be high so he doesn’t have to think about where he’s going to sleep tonight. Give him $5 and be glad you’re not him.
8. Educate yourself geographically. Your neighbor’s from Honduras. Google it. I bet you’ll find something interesting to talk about next time you see them.