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Some time ago, I encountered a perspective that puzzled and intrigued me.

Someone close to me by relationship but not a best friend or anything of that sort—casually mentioned that they don’t believe in saying thank you. Whether they’re treated to a meal, receive a gift, or even when someone goes out of their way to help them, they simply don’t feel the need to express gratitude. To them, it’s just unnecessary. When I asked this person why, they couldn’t explain the reasons that made sense to me. They shrugged it off as if my question was unimportant.

This mindset felt almost alien for someone like me, who believes deeply in the power of gratitude and says thank you to the universe every day just for being alive.

This got me thinking: did this person have a point? Is there any merit in not saying thank you? In a world where gratitude is often hailed as a cornerstone of happiness and well-being, could there be a case for simply not bothering with those two little words?

I went down the proverbial internet rabbit hole to find out more and came up with this.

The Case for Gratitude: Why We Say Thank You

So—gratitude has long been celebrated as a key to a happier life. The act of saying thank you isn’t just polite—it’s a social glue that binds us together. Psychologists have found that expressing gratitude can lead to stronger relationships, increased happiness, and even better health. When we thank someone, it’s a way of acknowledging their efforts and reinforcing positive behavior. It’s no wonder that gratitude practices, like keeping a gratitude journal or simply counting your blessings, have become so popular. They remind us to focus on the good in our lives, which can shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance. It also makes us feel a deep sense of peace within us.

Thanking someone also helps in building and maintaining relationships. It’s a simple way of showing appreciation and respect, which fosters trust and mutual respect. In a way, saying thank you is not just about acknowledging a favor or a kind gesture; it’s about recognizing the person behind it. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, and I appreciate you.”

The Other Side: Why Some People Don’t Say Thank You

That brought me to the other perspective. What if you don’t say thank you? What if you believe, like this person I know, that it’s just not necessary? When I dug deep, I found that there could be several reasons behind this mindset. For some, it might be about authenticity. They might feel that saying thank you has become too automatic, almost like a reflex, and that it’s lost its meaning. By not saying it, they’re avoiding what they see as an empty gesture, opting instead to show their appreciation through actions rather than words.

There’s also the possibility that some people don’t want to feel indebted. Saying thank you might imply a sense of obligation or a need to reciprocate, which they’d rather avoid. Or perhaps they believe that gratitude should be reserved for truly significant gestures, not just for every small act of kindness. This mindset challenges the idea that politeness and gratitude are always necessary, suggesting that there might be a deeper, more authentic way to express appreciation.

So…Is There a Downside to Saying Thank You?

It might seem counterintuitive, but I wondered if there could actually be a downside to saying thank you? Some argue that in a world where we’re constantly urged to be grateful, we might end up expressing gratitude more out of habit than genuine feeling. This could potentially dilute the impact of those words, turning what should be a heartfelt expression into a hollow formality.

Moreover, constantly saying thank you could foster a sense of dependency or expectation. If we’re always thanking people for every little thing, do we risk creating a culture where people expect to be praised for basic decency? Could it lead to a situation where people feel entitled to gratitude rather than acting out of a genuine desire to help?

A Balanced View: Does It Really Matter?

Bottom line, though. Does it really matter if someone chooses not to say thank you? Maybe, maybe not. Gratitude can be expressed in many forms, not just through words. A heartfelt gesture, a return of kindness, or simply being there for someone in their time of need can all be powerful expressions of gratitude without a single word being spoken.

On the other hand, at least for me, there’s something undeniably special and life-affirming about those two words. They’re simple, but they carry weight. They have the power to brighten someone’s day, to make them feel seen and appreciated. I know I feel deeply appreciated when someone thanks me when I have genuinely done something to lighten the heavy weight of life for at least a moment. And while not saying thank you might be a valid choice for some, it’s also worth considering what we might lose by letting those words go unspoken.

My Personal Takeaway

As someone who values gratitude deeply, this perspective has made me reflect on my own practices. While I still believe in the power of saying thank you, and will always say those two words, I also recognize now that gratitude is more than just words. It’s about the intention behind those words and the actions that follow.

So, while I will continue to say thank you for the little and big things, I’ll also pay more attention to how I show my appreciation in other ways. Because at the end of the day, whether we say it out loud or express it through our actions, what matters most is that we truly mean it.

What about you? Do you believe in the power of thank you, or do you think there are other, perhaps deeper, ways to show gratitude? It’s a conversation worth having, especially in a world that often takes these small but significant words for granted.

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